


Waiting for you

by Kuroyukihime



Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: Absent Parents, Angst, Bad Parenting, Bisexual Elia Santini, Blood and Injury, Canon Rewrite, Denial of Feelings, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Male Friendship, Mentions of Eurovision, Mentions of Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 20:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18667783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroyukihime/pseuds/Kuroyukihime
Summary: "When Elia planned to skip classes last minute, something was bound to happen. That’s why he rarely skipped. Because every damn time there were some teachers and their ‘aren’t you supposed to be in school right now, Santini?’ before he even managed to take at least ten steps beyond the school gates. And sometimes he didn’t even need to meet any teacher. His own backpack was capable of at least slowing him down."or how the universe decided to make good use of Elia Santini trying to skip some classes





	1. Do you need a hand with this?

**Author's Note:**

> Those who've seen my Tumblr after the publication of Friday Night Wars probably know about my huge plans for Elippo-angst-story-based-on-the-headcanons-mentioned-in-the-FNW. So here it is, the first chapter and let's hope I'll be able to write nine more.
> 
> Each chapter is divided into four parts because that's how I was writing it. I have it all written out considering specific dates and SkamIt updates. And every part has a title because I simply thought "why not, let's try doing something different." It's supposed to go simultaneously with the SkamIt plot, starting from April 8th. Everything that happened in the clips is left untouched, I'm just trying to add something where I can.
> 
> Huge thanks to @isakeliaflorenzi for being my first reader and providing beta, for staying up late to provide comments and corrections, for going through the text twice when it's needed, for all these nice comments that make me smile... Seriously, thank you so, so much.
> 
> If you want to ask or suggest something, provide some criticism or just talk to me about the story, feel free to message me or send me an ask on Tumblr, @winry7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Six?” Filippo seemed outraged. Or at least, his profile did. “And what about all this ‘universe wants me to get nine’ thing? Young man, I expect at least eight!”
> 
> “No… Six. That’s the most I can pull out.”
> 
> “Eight.”
> 
> “Six.”
> 
> “Seven.”
> 
> “Six and a half?”
> 
> “Seven.”
> 
> “Eh… Okay. Seven, that’s it. I’ll try.”

_Do you need a hand with this?_

“Fifteen minutes! It’s like… fifteen minutes before the first class starts and I’m already on the bus, two stops from the school! You’re telling me we’re skipping just now?!” Elia shouted at his phone, probably making Gio wince on the other side. But still, he got up from the seat to stand closer to the exit. “And whose brilliant idea was that?”

“Uh… Luchino.”

“Of course! Seriously, guys, I’m literally two stops from the school, and you’re telling me you’re at the other side of fucking Rome?! And why I get to know about it just now?!”

“We talked about it yesterday!”

“I thought you were joking!”

Elia could be two stops away from school, have an oral test he actually studied for, and be at least forty minutes away from the place Giovanni, Luca, and Peccio were at the moment, but that didn’t stop him from getting off at the closest bus stop.  Because when one person was skipping, it was not a big deal. But when it came to a few, it was a sure thing that something was going to happen. And Elia was not going to miss whatever was going to happen. Especially since there were Luca and Peccio at the same place at the same time, and Elia already knew it was going to be brilliant.

However, the universe seemed not to approve of his decision at all, because not only Elia had problems with getting out of the crowded bus, but when he finally managed to, he put one of his backpack’s shoulder straps so unfortunately, that most of its contents fell on the ground, leaving him with his backpack pitifully hung on one of his shoulders, his things lying scattered around him. He swore loudly, blaming Gio for everything that happened. Because of course, that was the fault of Giovanni calling and hurrying him, and not Elia’s carelessness while zipping the backpack. Or, to be precise, not zipping it at all.

A few more, not pretty words left Elia’s mouth as he crouched down to pick everything up. He regretted not waiting until the next stop. It might have been a higher risk to get caught by a teacher, but at least he’d have had more time to actually leave the bus like a normal person. Yet again, he blamed it on Giovanni, of course. If he wanted to call him, he should’ve done it earlier. Preferably before Elia left his mother’s place. When Elia planned to skip classes last minute, something was bound to happen. That’s why he rarely skipped. Because every damn time there were some teachers and their ‘aren’t you supposed to be in school right now, Santini?’ before he even managed to take at least ten steps beyond the school gates. And sometimes he didn’t even need to meet any teacher. His own backpack was capable of at least slowing him down.

He was wondering if maybe the universe was giving him the signs that he shouldn’t skip school this day when he heard a car stopping next to him and then the sound of door opening and closing.

“Looks like a terrible start of a day,” he heard. The voice sounded somehow familiar, but he couldn’t quite match it with a specific person. “Do you need a hand with this?”

The person crouched down, and at the same time Elia raised his head, ending up face to face with Filippo Sava, also known as Eleonora’s brother and Martino’s friend (for some time referred as Eleonora’s gay brother or Martino’s gay friend, but then they decided it sounds somehow wrong and started to call him just Martino’s friend in conversations.)

They talked to each other once, only a little bit when Martino introduced Filippo to his friends during the Christmas party a few months ago, then there was no occasion. Elia knew Martino and Niccolò hang out with him frequently, but Martino never bothered to ask Filippo to hang out with the rest of his squad, and nobody really cared about that. Elia wouldn’t probably be able to even recognize him as fast if he didn’t see him a few days before sitting with Martino, Niccolò, Eleonora, and Eva. He paid a bit of attention to Filippo then but mostly in a ‘did he always had pink hair?’ manner.

And there he was. Filippo Sava. Appearing out of nowhere, helping him with picking up his things from the ground. Elia was not sure what to think about it. Somehow it seemed quite unrealistic to him.

“Yes, thanks,  thanks a lot,” he spoke, when his thinking finally came back and started working properly. “That’s how it ends when you want to be a bad student and skip some classes.”

“Oh, you’re one of these people who literally can’t skip classes because something always goes wrong when they do?” Filippo laughed when Elia gave him a glare. “Looks like I have a point.”

“Listen, that’s because the universe takes good care of my education, okay? I have an oral history test today, and I actually studied for it, like, for probably the first time ever, so the universe’s telling me to go and take that test because I’m going to get at least nine.”

“Yeah? So why skipping?”

“Uh…” Truth be told, Elia wasn’t sure. His main objectives were that if his friends did he wanted to do that too, and that Peccio and Luca may do something funny and he wanted to see it. It’s not that he had any particular reason to skip classes. Not like anybody ever had. Except for those people who skipped because they had tests they didn’t study for. Like history tests… that Gio didn’t study for… neither did Peccio… and Luca always had something he didn’t study for…

After a short moment of consideration, Elia realized they were all skipping because they haven't studied for a test Elia has studied for. And he was nearly one hundred percent sure he wouldn’t study for the second term that much. Which put him into a bad situation.

Filippo shook his head with a little smile, and Elia realized he probably understood everything just hearing that little ‘uh.’ He was either good at reading people, or Elia was so extremely easy to read that even a stranger could easily get what he was thinking.

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride,” decided Filippo, pushing Elia’s things into his hands, before he stood up and walked to the driver’s seat.

Elia didn’t say no because of a few reasons. Firstly, it’s not like Filippo gave him a chance to say anything. Secondly, he had no idea what to say. And lastly, Elia had some strange urge to let Filippo take him to school. He wasn’t sure why, but Filippo made him a little bit tongue-tied, and that was interesting for him. He wasn’t used to being tongue-tied. Plus, he wasn’t up to skipping anymore anyway. He could as well go to school and take this stupid test. At least he had Martino and Niccolò because Martino couldn’t miss classes that easily, as he already missed a whole lot of them, and Niccolò, like the good boyfriend that he was, couldn’t let Martino spend the entire day alone. Elia nearly rolled his eyes when he realized both Martino and Niccolò probably didn’t expect him to come to school that day, so they most likely already planned to stick together the whole day being awfully in love with each other.

He just got into the car, his backpack (carefully zipped this time) on the backseat, while he seated comfortably on the passenger seat, fastening the seat belt. He usually didn’t care about seat belts, but Filippo gave him a glare so intense, that he decided to make it an exception this time.

“You don’t drive Eleonora to school?” Asked Elia, while Filippo was starting the car. The older boy shot him an amused look.

“Ele has… let’s say, another uber to drive her around.” Elia raised his eyebrows, but before he was able to ask anything, Filippo already changed the subject. “So, school or skipping?”

“Eh… Oh, fuck it. School. I’ll take this test, I’ll face it like a man,” decided Elia. Filippo laughed again, and Elia found himself smiling a little.

“Okay. I’ll wait for your nine then.”

“Actually… let’s not be greedy. Six and I’ll be fine.”

“Six?” Filippo seemed outraged. Or at least, his profile did. “And what about all this ‘universe wants me to get nine’ thing? Young man, I expect at least eight!”

“No… Six. That’s the most I can pull out.”

“Eight.”

“Six.”

“Seven.”

“Six and a half?”

“Seven.”

“Eh… Okay. Seven, that’s it. I’ll try.”

Filippo laughed again, and that time Elia laughed too. He was surprised he can be so relaxed around someone he barely knew. He sometimes wondered how it was possible for Martino and Niccolò to like spending so much time with Filippo, but he was slowly starting to understand. Filippo was confident, smiley, and knew how to make the conversation go smoothly. He seemed to be this kind of person that could get along with everyone and anyone. Or, at least, that’s how he seemed to be for Elia.

“If you get more than seven, I’ll get you a coffee,” announced Filippo, looking at Elia as if he was challenging him. It was a short look because Filippo was driving, but it still managed to set Elia into the battle mode.

“And what if I don’t?” He asked, raising his eyebrows a bit.

“Then you’ll get me a coffee.”

“Excuse me? And what’s the reasoning behind this?”

“I want some coffee.”

Elia was smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. He wasn’t sure how they both got into that situation, but it made him forget about skipping classes, morning bad luck, dealing with Martinico… Elia assumed Filippo was simply the kind of person whose specialization was bringing the attention to himself. His hair, his clothes, his appearance in general, his way of behaving, his way of talking, his very being... It was all so absorbing. Elia experienced it once during Federica's birthday about half a year ago. He didn't know Filippo then, neither did Martino, nor Giovanni, nor Luca, but Filippo instantly caught eyes of all of them. Elia remembered nudging Giovanni and asking if he knows him. Gio just shrugged his eyes already on Filippo at that moment. Martino made some not really nice comment about him acting too gayly, and Gio pushed him slightly for that. Only later they got to know that he was Eleonora's brother, widely known as Eleonora's gay brother. Not that they cared that much, they were too busy looking for a place they could peacefully sit and smoke some weed. Eleonora's brother, gay or not, because again, who cares, didn't seem to be helpful in that.

When Elia, Gio, and Luca saw Filippo Sava for the second time during Martino's Christmas party, he was not that flashy, but he still somehow managed to catch their attention, even before Martino introduced them to him. He just had something that made people acknowledge him, and Elia was sure as hell it was not only his thing but everybody else's too. Because Elia was not the only person, who thought ‘did he always had pink hair?’ after seeing Filippo these few days ago. After they walked away a bit, Luca nudged him asking if Eleonora's brother always had pink hair. Because Luca was sure that guy was blonde before. And Elia was glad he was not the only one who actually paid attention to Filippo Sava's hair.

He actually paid some attention to his hair during this short time they spent talking when Filippo was driving him to school. Still pink. It’s not that Elia was used to giving a damn about what people had on their head, but that was the first time he saw a guy with a pink hair, and it got him a little bit interested. He took a mental note that Filippo's hair was not naturally blonde, but bleached because Luca actually wondered about it last time.

When a few minutes later the car stopped nearby the school gate, Elia asked for exchanging numbers. Surprisingly for him, it took Filippo aback. Nonetheless, he gave Elia his and gladly saved Elia’s. After that Elia made a promise to text him right after he’ll get his grade, and Filippo swore he’ll never take his eyes off the phone, which made Elia laugh a bit. He still thanked Filippo for this remarkable dedication to the cause before he left for the class.

When a bit later he saw Martino and was asked by him what the hell is he doing at school when everybody else is skipping, Elia simply shrugged. He also decided not to mention the meeting with Filippo. Just in case.

* * *

_Mr. Excellent Student_

“Eight,” announced Elia, putting his backpack on the floor before he sat in front of Filippo, proudness easy to distinguish on his face. “Congratulate me.”

Filippo looked from his phone. Elia discovered he was still surprised. He was surprised when Elia asked him for his number, he was probably surprised when Elia texted him, he was surprised when Elia actually showed up at the café. He was continuously surprised with Elia taking their promise seriously, as if he didn’t suppose Elia would really like to see him again, which made Elia feel insulted. It never crossed his mind he could possibly come across as a mean person, but Filippo made him think it actually could be like that. Or maybe more unreliable than mean. That would make more sense.

“Congratulation. Judging from how happy you are it must be the first decent grade in your life.”

“Excuse me! Just so you know, I’m an excellent student, thank you very much.” Filippo laughed at that, and it made Elia relax a little.

“Okay, so what can I get you?” Asked Filippo, getting up and looking for his wallet. Elia smiled mischievously.

“So, you’re saying it’s on you? Let’s see, what’s the most expensive coffee they have here.”

“High schoolers. All about money,” Filippo sighed ostentatiously and shook his head with faked disbelief. “Plan B. I’m getting two espressos, and you’re either drinking this or nothing.”

“You cheapskate!” Elia laughed, but Filippo decided to ignore that offense.

Filippo went to get their coffees and Elia used this occasion to check his phone. Martino texting in _Contrabbandieri Di Luchini_ that he’s done with the school and can join Giovanni and Luca wherever they want, Gio texting him the address and asking whether Elia is coming with him or not, Martino responding that no, Elia has other plans adding smirking face emoji, Gio and Luca bombarding Elia with questions about where is he, with who, and why the fuck he didn’t tell them he has a date… Elia rolled his eyes, then started to type the answer.

‘ _Piss off, I’m with a friend_ 🖕’

He hoped it’ll give an end to the discussion, but it worked as a fuel for his friend’s theories. After the few more messages he was completely sure the next day he’ll get a hell of the ‘secret date’ thing. He started regretting not telling Martino at school that he’s meeting Filippo and was thinking about texting him at that moment, but he decided against it. His friends seemed to have fun theorizing, so he decided he could as well let them do that and clarify things the next day. Or never. Depending on how much fun he himself would have with that.

Moreover, he believed it could actually help him a lot. He knew his friends were up to something. Suddenly they started to hang out around girls more than before. They did go to the radio room from time to time to wait for Martino or hang out when they had nothing to do, but lastly, they were doing it nearly every day. And somehow he always ended up nearby Silvia. The only free spot was next to her, she needed some help, and it was decided Elia was just the right person to help her, she said something and nearly everyone wanted to know what Elia think about that… He tried asking the boys about all of that, but they acted as if they didn’t know what he’s talking about. Although he could believe Luca didn’t know anything, he was sure that Giovanni, Martino, and Niccolò not only knew something but were also a part of it.

So he hoped that maybe this little ‘secret date’ of his will make his friends stop whatever they were doing. Truth be told, he wasn’t a fan of lying to them, but he justified it by thinking that they were the ones who came up with this idea and he, in fact, told them the truth, but they were the ones who didn’t believe him, so there was no point in further trying.

And when he finally set his mind at peace, Filippo came back with their coffees.

“Here you go, Mr. Excellent Student,” he said, putting two espressos on the table.

“Ah, thank you, thank you. Free coffee is actually my favorite kind of coffee,” said Elia, putting his phone aside to focus on the drink.

“See? So many good things happen when you decide not to skip classes,” Filippo claimed while reaching for sugar.

“So you’re one of those who never skipped a day of school and always finished with perfect attendance?”

“Me? Oh, no, no. I’ve skipped so many classes in high school that I had to beg some teachers to let me take the exams in the final year.”

“What?” Elia stopped in the midway of taking a sip of his coffee, looking at Filippo with disbelief. “And you dare to moralize me about my school attendance?”

“Yes, because I’ve learned my lesson and now being a university student I’m taking attending classes seriously.”

“Really?”

“Really?”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah?”

“Okay, I do skip some of them sometimes, but universities work differently.”

They spent a few hours talking. They talked and talked and talked, not sharing even a moment of uncomfortable silence. Elia would talk about school or share some stories about his friends and Filippo would listen and laugh so freely, it made Elia at least smile widely every time. Filippo would talk about his studies or sister or some parties he went to, and Elia would listen carefully to every single word. They ordered some tea because they’ve already drunk too much coffee. Elia talked about how he pierced his ear, and Filippo told him about how he pierced his lip. Filippo told the story about how he met Martino, and Elia told the story about meeting Luca. They talked so much Elia was actually surprised by himself. He had no idea he could possibly have so much to say to anyone.

Then Filippo checked the hour and decided he has to go because Eleonora texted him and he had to pick her up. Elia actually felt a bit disappointed but was trying not to show it. Filippo offered he could give him a lift, but Elia declined. He had a feeling that making Filippo drive him around for the second time this day would be imposing on his kindness. So they parted ways. Without promises of neither texting each other nor meeting again, because Elia supposed that’s not what you’re doing after the friend meetings. They simply told their goodbyes, after which Filippo got to his car, and Elia went slowly towards the closest bus stop. And that was supposed to be the end. One time thing he could later mention to Martino as ‘oh yeah, I’ve met your friend once and we had coffee, it was nice, he’s a cool guy.’

Except it wasn’t.

* * *

_Master of being convincing_

_‘Told you. Of course unicorns can look badass. I’m totally getting you one of these.’_

Elia rolled his eyes a bit when he saw the picture of a power bank shaped like a black unicorn with a vividly pink mane. He had no idea where in the whole Rome Filippo found this thing, and he preferred not to ask. Instead, he texted back ‘ _good luck with getting me to use something like that_.’

That was the way they were texting. On Tuesday morning he got the first text from Filippo. It was a photo of a lecture hall, took during the lecture. A second later it was followed by a text saying ‘ _I think you're depriving me, I’m thinking of skipping today_ .’ It made Elia snort as he responded ‘ _I thought you’ve learned your lesson in high school, Mr. University Student_.’ And from then on that was the thing they were doing. They would send each other some photo, a meme, or a screenshot of something they’ve seen and that would start up the whole conversation. That made Elia check his phone more often than he ever did, mostly because Filippo seemed to be this kind of person who loved texting as long as they had somebody replying to their messages and keeping the conversation going.

Elia was not the type of person who favored texting. He preferred talking, so he usually called people, and if he was to text, he generally wrote relatively short messages. He surprised himself with how much he was suddenly texting when it came to Filippo. There was always something to talk about or something that reminded him of a thing Filippo said that he had to share with him. And once they got into the discussion, subjects were changing from one to another so swiftly it was just natural for them to text for hours.

His friends picked it up instantly. There was no way they wouldn’t notice how Elia was constantly checking his phone and how his face lit up every time there was a new message. They connected two dots and decided that Elia has some kind of secret lover and he should tell them everything about her. Not telling them anything was fun for a while, but Elia didn’t last even a day. Before the classes finished on Tuesday, he offered the boys the whole story about how he met Filippo the day before, how they got a coffee and how Filippo was texting him some funny pictures from time to time. That made the guys definitely less enthusiastic. They seemed to like the ‘secret lover’ version more than the ‘new friend’ version. Martino was a bit taken aback, but that was it. They didn’t come back to that anymore.

Nonetheless, they decided to come back to something else.

“I think Silvia is pretty,” Martino started, and Elia instantly felt fed up with that blossoming conversation. “I mean, she’s not my type, obviously, but objectively speaking, she’s pretty.”

“Actually, I thought about the exact same thing,” Niccolò stated, nodding vigorously. Giovanni started to laugh so much, he was nearly crying. Luca, on the other hand, seemed to be a bit lost. Elia could feel that. He also was not sure how they got from ‘how do you think a mix of wine and beer would taste like?’ to ‘Silvia Mirabella is pretty.’

“No, guys, please.  It’s my birthday, not some shitty matchmaking fest,” sighed Elia. He saw Filippo texting him ‘ _I’m master of being convincing_ ,’ but he didn’t feel like responding. He was completely fed up with the Silvia thing his friends were trying to force upon him. He already told them he’s not interested in Silvia, and it seemed to work for some time, but suddenly Martino seemed to find a new motivation, pushing the Silvia topic on him again.

“Oh, please. Just look at her,” Martino sat next to him, taking the phone out of the pocket. In a second Elia had Nico by the other side. He was cornered and a bit scared. He promised himself he won’t drink too much, because although it was his birthday celebration, he had school the next day, but this situation called for some. So he reached for another bottle of beer.

Martino opened Instagram, and it started. He and Niccolò spent half an hour to go through every picture of Silvia that existed on Instagram. They went through her Instagram profile, then they looked for her photos on Eva’s, Federica’s, Sana’s, Eleonora’s… generally, every and each Instagram account that had a chance of possessing at least one photograph of Silvia. They were dedicated enough to show every picture with a bunch of comments about how pretty she is. At some point, Gio was laughing so much he had to go out for a minute to take a breath because it was too much for him. Elia would love to do the same, but he had no chance. He was trapped between Martino and Niccolò, and he knew there was no point in fighting against them. But at least Luca was invested, peering through Elia’s shoulder, approving every comment Martino and Niccolò made, and sometimes even providing his own.

Elia suffered from every minute. It was hard not to listen because they were speaking directly into his ears, Martino in the left, Niccolò in the right. It was hard not to look because they were waving their phones in front of his face. He couldn’t distract himself with anything, because they wouldn’t let him get his phone. And although he had nothing against Silvia (she was a bit too much sometimes, but overall she was okay), he wasn’t interested in her. Or anyone, when it came to the relationships. He liked one time things. Meeting somebody during the party and having some fun. Having not so serious hook ups, so that he didn't even need to know the other person's name. That was great. But he could see that was not what the boys were after. They wanted him to have some kind of relationship with Silvia. To go out with her, to date her, to treat her somehow seriously.

There was a short moment when he considered agreeing and making out with Silvia, or even take her to bed just to make them happy. Simply hook up with her, make it a one-time thing, and forget about all of this. But he quickly realized it won’t do. That it would create a whole lot of problems, including the girls trying to kill him for playing, Martino and Niccolò being mad at him because they kinda liked Silvia after working at the radio with her, not even mentioning Gio being disappointed in him, because ‘that’s not cool to be another Edoardo for her, dude.’ So being one time hook up for Silvia was not an option.

And as he couldn’t be a one-time thing for her, and didn’t want a relationship with her, there were no other options.

“Okay, guys, that’s enough,” he decided eventually, pushing away Martino’s phone with yet another photo of Silvia. “Can we, please, come back to celebrating my birthday? I know five people party is pretty shitty, but come on, that’s the most we can pull off during the school night, so let’s not make it more shitty and try to have fun.”

“Why are you so against it?” Huffed Martino, but put the phone in his pocket nevertheless. “Seriously, Silvia is not that bad. After you get to know her better, she’s… pretty acceptable.”

“She’s nice. And dedicated. And pretty, of course,” Elia rolled his eyes hearing ‘pretty’ for a thousand time this evening, but Niccolò kept going. “She’s seriously sweet. You should give it a try. Besides, you could use a good, stable relationship.”

“And what if I don’t want a good, stable relationship?” At that point, Elia started to be a bit irritated. He had to bite his tongue so as not to say ‘does this kind of relationship even exists?’ There was no point in saying something like that when he had a happy couple sitting next to him. Besides, he didn’t want to go into what he’s thinking about relationships and why. Not on his birthday. Not at all.

After that Giovanni finally decided that’s enough of his suffering and changed the subject. Elia looked at him trying to convey all his thankfulness with his eyes.  Gio just smiled a bit, as if he wanted to say ‘I've got you, bro.’ Elia wasn’t sure whether his friend saw through him and figured out what was going on inside his mind, or he simply noticed Elia getting more and more irritated about the whole Silvia thing, but he was thankful nevertheless. He knew that getting further into this conversation with Martino would end up with him snapping and Martino getting angry. And the last thing he wanted for his birthday was getting into an argument with any of his friends.

Using the fact of his friends getting into the new discussion, he reached for his phone. He couldn’t help smiling at the latest texts from Filippo.

‘ _I’m master of being convincing_ ’

‘ _I’m pretty sure I could get you to use that and even being thankful to me for getting you that_ ’

‘ _Just give me some time and you’ll see_ ’

He responded happily with a short ‘ _can’t wait_ 😂‘ and put the phone down again. Just in time to listen to Luca’s story about how he once tried to avoid an oral exam by simulating fainting and ended up hitting his head on the table and nearly fainted for real. Martino instantly claimed it as the moment in which Luca stopped being normal, which made Luca outraged.

“I could've died, Marti! That was the most life-threatening situation in my life!” He claimed. Giovanni couldn’t help laughing.

“But you’re indestructible, bro!”

“If somebody ever decides to attack Italy with a nuclear bomb, only two things would survive, Luchi’ and cockroaches…” Elia decided, getting a light punch in the arm from Nico. Luca looked at everybody incredulously.

“Oh, come on, guys! Be just a bit more sympathetic, could you?”

* * *

_I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that_

Elia couldn’t believe what was happening. He imagined it in a completely different way when Martino asked whether Contrabbandieri are up to going out that night. Elia hoped they’d go to some bar or club, get Peccio, Galvani, and others and have a great time, so he’d get to celebrate his birthday in the way he wanted. He didn’t even mind so much Martino mentioning meeting girls. He hoped Martino and Niccolò would finally let go of the idea of matchmaking and Martino asked girls to come just to have more people. The more, the merrier, and Elia could appreciate the girls’ ability to party. He was not sure about the ‘café in San Paolo’ part, but he still didn’t let himself be let down.

And then everything fell apart. Elia and the boys were supposed to meet and then go to the café together. Elia didn’t see the point of that until they actually met and he got to know that not only Gio will not be there, but also Martino and Niccolò wanted him to  at least try to talk to Silvia once. Elia couldn’t believe it was really happening. Not only the meeting was never supposed to be about him and his birthday, but also he got to know that all his efforts, to make his friends understand he didn’t want anything with Silvia, or generally with anyone at that moment, were pointless.

“Just try, okay?” Said Martino, when they were close enough to see the girls. “If you’ll feel it’s useless, we always have a plan B.”

“That’s me!” Exclaimed Luca proudly. “That’s me, right?”

“That’s you.” Niccolò patted his shoulder. “Okay, we’ll go first, then you go, Elia.”

At that point, Elia was just resigned. He didn’t want to be there anymore, he was already bored, and he had no idea what to do with himself. He didn’t want to even try with Silvia, because he knew pretending he’s interested in her would be a shitty move, even for him. And he knew after he’ll hand things over to Luca, he’ll have nothing to do. Martino and Niccolò were probably going to hang around Eva and Eleonora, as they sat with them at the table, Gio was not even there, he didn’t even know Sana and Federica that well, and besides, they seemed to be busy at the bar, and apart from these people, he knew no one. He had no idea what to do.

“Get ready, Luchi’,” he muttered when he saw Martino, Niccolò, Eva, and Eleonora sitting at the table, leaving Silvia alone. “I’ll make it quick, and the floor is yours.”

And he did make it quick. There was no point in making it any longer. He said about three words to Silvia and quickly got away, creating the opening for Luca. He didn’t even bother to look at Martino’s reaction. He just got himself something to drink and left, thinking about what he should do next. He didn’t know how long Luca could talk Silvia up. It could be ten minutes, fifteen, or the whole night. He didn’t know whether he should wait. Then he remembered about Filippo. He quickly reached to his pocket for his phone and checked the message he got from him, to which he couldn’t respond as he was in the middle of being disappointed with his friends, with that evening, with everything.

‘ _Fuck, this party is so shitty. I’m thinking about going home. Are you any better?’_

Elia was not any better. So he finally replied, selfishly hoping the party Filippo went to was still shitty.

‘ _I’m suffering. Wanna hang out?_ ’

And thankfully for Elia, the party was indeed still shitty, because he got a reply in a few seconds.

‘ _Please. I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that. It would be embarrassing to come back home before two._ ’

Elia didn’t even bother to tell his friends he’s leaving. He just glanced in their direction and seeing Luca is still talking to Silvia and the others have fun observing him, he just left, in the meantime deciding with Filippo where they should meet.

He had no idea how it happened, but somehow it was past eleven, and he was at the Tiber’s riverbank, throwing small stones into the water and haggling with Filippo about whose evening was worse. At some point his friends texted him, asking where is he. He was thinking about ignoring them, but he decided it would be stupid. He remembered how pissed off he was every time Martino ignored their messages half a year ago. How mad he and Giovanni were every time they were trying to reach Martino, but he was answering them only in the morning or not at all. So he simply told them he was bored and left. Then he met Filippo, somehow they decided they’re nearby the Tiber so why not go there, and then Elia stopped caring about his phone.

Filippo had something in him that instantly put Elia at ease. How he was smiling even though he also had an awful evening, how he was laughing talking about the party he went to and some girl that wanted to hook up with him and wouldn’t believe he’s gay, how he wanted to go see the Tiber even though it was the middle of the night and they were sober enough to know that’s a stupid idea. It made Elia’s head a bit lighter, it made him feel a bit better. But the disappointment still lingered somewhere at the back of his head. And Filippo had to notice it because he tried to convince Elia to tell him about what exactly was wrong.

Elia hesitated. He was not sure whether he should tell the truth. He didn’t want to sound like a child. And he wasn’t a fan of spilling his guts to someone he barely knew. Or generally spilling his guts. He was always holding back. He always felt as it wasn’t that important. That he was simply too old to whine about this kind of things. Except, this time he just wanted to talk. He wanted to whine, he wanted to complain, he wanted to tell somebody how he feels even if that was childish and stupid. And Filippo was next to him looking as if he really wanted to listen. So he let him.

"It’s just that… I wanted my eighteenth to be more about me. My..." He stopped and sighed, looking aside. Then he crouched, looking for some stone he could throw. Or more like, he acted like he did, but it was merely an excuse for not looking at Filippo. “My parents don’t even care about my birthday. I haven’t heard a stupid ‘happy birthday’ from them in like… forever. There was a time I barely remembered I have a birthday. And today… and yesterday… I… I don’t know. I… Eighteen is important, right? Fuck the party, of course I wouldn’t get my parents to get me one. We talk only when it’s necessary, they wouldn’t even listen if I asked them to get me a huge party for my birthday. But still… I hoped to spend some time with the guys, get drunk, do something stupid… or something. I don’t know. But instead, they decided to organize some matchmaking shitshow! Both yesterday and today! We meet yesterday just so they could talk about Silvia, and we went out today only because they wanted to set me up with her! And when I was like ‘no, thanks,’ they just did it with Luca. And I… I know it’s stupid, but I just wanted to have my birthday party. It could be shitty, but it would be mine, and I’d gladly have it. And I… I didn’t even think about organizing anything today, because when Marti asked us if he had any plans for tonight, I was sure we’re meeting because they had something planned. But… I don’t know. It’s stupid, I’m sorry.”

“First of all, happy birthday. It’d be nice to know about it earlier, but I’ll complain about it later. And second of all, that’s not stupid,” decided Filippo, his smile so soft and so genuine Elia was willing to believe him. “That’s not stupid that you want some attention once in a while. Especially when it’s your day.”

“Yeah?” Elia breathed. Filippo nodded, taking a step towards him a crouching next to him, to catch Elia’s eyes for more than half a second. He finally let him, looking up and abandoning his fake looking for stones. Filippo’s eyes were soft and warm, and it made Elia relax just a little bit.

“Yeah. Come on, let’s make it about you,” decided Filippo, suddenly standing up and extending a hand to help Elia up. Elia could theoretically stand up on his own, but he still decided to grab Filippo hand, accepting his help. Because he realized maybe that was it. Spilling his guts and then letting somebody help him. “We’ll find the closest store and buy some wine and cookies… or better! We’ll buy these cupcakes from a box from Cameo. You know, the ones when you have this powder, and you add some eggs, milk, and other shit and you have cupcakes! We’ll get some candles, and it’ll be an almost perfect birthday!”

“You’re not serious,” said Elia with a smile stretching his lips. Filippo raised his eyebrows in an ‘oh, really?’ kind of way.

And Filippo was, indeed, serious. They looked for some 24/7 stores, and Filippo persuaded Elia to visit every single one to find the cupcakes and candles. Unfortunately, they couldn’t find any Cameo cupcakes, so Filippo decided that they can do something else and it’ll be even better. Elia had no idea what, but Filippo was so sure of whatever plan he had in mind that Elia just decided to let him do whatever he wanted. Somehow Filippo managed to get some candles too, so the only thing that left for them to do was buying some wine to go with it. Filippo proposed going to his, but Elia actually happened to have his father’s place free, and it was closer than Sava’s, so they went there.

Filippo started what Elia would later call ‘a baking disaster’ right after he had found the kitchen. Elia didn’t have to tell him to make himself at home, Filippo nearly instinctively acted as if he was at his own home. And that made Elia smile like crazy, because every and each person he knew, even Luca, had at least some boundaries while visiting somebody for the first time. He remembered his friends visiting him for the first or the second time and asking Elia to get them something because they didn’t want to just go through shelves and cabinets like that. That was not the case with Filippo. Filippo Sava just went through every shelf and cabinet in the kitchen to find what he needed and instead of making Elia irritated or annoyed, it made him amused.

Finally, Elia asked what exactly Filippo was going to create in his father’s kitchen. He got to hear some story about how he and Eleonora were spending Christmas together and Eleonora made some kind of mug cakes, and after doing some googling, he was absolutely sure he could doing something like that too. So Elia let him. And that was disastrous because he got to know Filippo is an extremely messy cook. At some point, Elia started to feel sorry for Eleonora because he couldn’t imagine Filippo doing something like that every day. Filippo claimed that he’s that messy only while baking, but Elia was not sure if he should believe it. He was more willing to believe it has something to do with the alcohol. Especially, the more wine they drank while Filippo was baking, the more chaotic it became. Not even mentioning the fact Filippo didn’t strike Elia as somebody who would bake that often.

Elia wanted to help, but Filippo decided that’s his mini birthday party, so he can’t do anything. So Elia was just standing next to him, observing his attempts to create a mug cake. Because one attempt was not enough. The thing Filippo made during his first attempt looked so bad they wouldn’t even try it. But then, after some ups and downs, Filippo succeeded. Or at least they both believed they did. It looked pretty good, and after they tried a little bit it seemed to be edible, so they decided that’s it. Then Filippo put a candle into it and told Elia to turn off the light because he believed lighted candle would not look as impressive when it’s not dark around.

So there they were. Standing in the messy, dark kitchen, with Filippo holding the mug cake in his hands, singing _Happy Birthday_ happily and looking so excited as if it was the real birthday party. It was stupid, cheesy, and cheap. And Elia loved it.

“Okay, now remember to make a wish when you’ll be blowing the candle. That’s your eighteenth birthday wish, make sure you’ll make it special.”

Elia looked at Filippo’s face, glowed only by the light coming from the candle. He looked at Filippo’s eyes, warm and sparkling, that made him feel calm that night. His smile, that made Elia smile back every single time. He looked at Filippo and thought about how this man, whom he knew for a few days, who was nearly a stranger to him before Monday, who spend the night just to make Elia’s birthday at least a little bit special, to make him feel as if it was finally about him.

So he blew the candle wishing for Filippo Sava to have someone that would make every and each of his birthdays as unique as he made Elia’s one day late eighteenth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know - it's probably too fluffy but supposed to be angst. But come on, we all need some fluff in our lives~  
> And I know, Martino is probably a bit OOC, Elia is probably extremely OOC, same for Filippo... but still, I do believe Filippo Sava would be able to bake a cake at 2 AM because he's extra like that.


	2. Like a spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Later on, Elia couldn’t even quite recall how it all happened, but suddenly everything went wrong. In one moment he was at the party, having fun with his friends, then suddenly he was outside, trying to deal with the intruders back from Who Breaks, Pays Party, then he was inside again looking for help from Edoardo, Federico, and Chicco, then he was outside and everything was one, big mess. And he was scared. Not for himself, that was the least of his priorities. He was scared for Martino, who was bleeding furiously, he was scared for Giovanni who looked as if he was ready to literally kill someone, he was scared for Luca who was trying to help Martino but had no idea how to do it. He was just scared, but at the same time, he was furious and wanted to do everything just to keep the intruders away from his friends. They already got Martino, and Elia couldn’t even think about them hurting Giovanni or Luca.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe that's the moment when we go more angsty in this fanfic. And I promise this angst will stay with us in every chapter through the rest of the story. In different forms and intensity, but still.
> 
> Also, there is one moment in this chapter I'm not sure about. I was battling myself over whether it should be there or not, whether I'm the right person to put it there or not, etc.. In the end I decided to include it. Because that's the part of my own beliefs based upon my own experiences and I kinda wanted to share it. We'll see how it ends.
> 
> Again, huge thanks to @isakeliaflorenzi for going through my fic, correcting my mistakes, helping me with some particular parts, and leaving some nice comments while doing so. Thank you so, so much.

_I was waiting for you with breakfast_

Elia had a few situations in his life when he woke up in pretty unusual settings. But the morning of April 13th was one of the strangest. He woke up on his father’s bed, a few bottles of wine, empty or nearly empty, here and there, and Filippo Sava sleeping next to him.

First thing Elia did was checking whether he and Filippo had their clothes on. Just in case, because they both drank quite a lot and Elia didn’t trust his drunk self after two at night. Thankfully, both he and Filippo were fully clothed, so Elia decided that this was it and nothing had happened. Then he tried to get up, and his body instantly made him remember just how much he had drank that night, which led him to the bathroom. And then, after his stomach got rid of its contents, Elia made an attempt to start thinking. His head was not really enthusiastic about that, but he tried nevertheless.

Slowly he started to remember Filippo lighting a candle in the kitchen, eating the mug cake together and discovering it was not as good as they thought it’d be, but still eating it, then drinking wine. And somehow they decided to abandon the kitchen because the longer they stayed there, the bigger mess they were making, even though nobody was baking anymore. Elia couldn’t recall why they chose his father’s bedroom, but they did.

And then, he slowly remembered talking. He couldn’t remember too much of the details, because at that point they had definitely too much alcohol, but he was slowly starting to remember some bits and pieces. He had probably opened up to Filippo too much, he wasn’t sure how much exactly, but he knew that it was too much. And he knew Filippo had opened up to him as well. He could remember something about his parents being absent all the time, about Eleonora not willing to share important things with him, about how he wanted to support her, but didn’t know how supporting someone works…

Elia tried his best to recall as much of the talk as possible because he felt it was a meaningful conversation. But it was hard to actually remember something while having a hangover and sitting next to the toilet all hungry and thirsty. So he decided that it was the right time to start functioning. Or at least attempt to.

What he did after getting himself together in the bathroom was going to the kitchen. And as soon as he entered the room, he knew that it was the wrong decision. It looked bad enough at night, and with the morning light, it was a disaster. He didn’t even know where to start. Should he eat or clean the kitchen first? Maybe he should wait with breakfast for Filippo? Perhaps he should wake him up? Was there even anything left to eat?

He stood in the middle of the kitchen trying to figure out where to start when he heard somebody clearing their throat somewhere behind him. He winced and momentarily turned out to see Filippo standing at the kitchen entrance somewhat awkwardly. That made Elia uneasy enough to only nod in response to Filippo’s quiet ‘good morning.’ He didn’t have time to think about how he’s going to behave. It was worse than waking up after an one night stand. He had never woken up in his father’s bed next to the guy who wasn’t even his close friend nor a hook up. He wasn’t sure if he should politely ask Filippo whether he slept well, laugh about how drunk they got, or come up with some not really decent joke…

For the first time since Monday, an uncomfortable silence fell between them. Filippo combed his finger through his hair, looking around as if he wasn’t sure what to do. Elia bit his lip, gazing at the eggshell lying at his feet. They were standing like that for a few more moments before Elia decided to say the first thing that came to his mind.

“I was waiting for you with breakfast,” he spoke up, finally looking at Filippo. “We can eat together… if you want to. I don’t know, it’s just… cool to eat breakfast together with other people, I think.”

Filippo snorted with laughter, shaking his head a little. That put Elia more at ease, and he smiled himself, proud of being able to smooth out the situation.

“Yeah, sure. But I think we should get rid of the mess first,” decided Filippo and Elia nodded vigorously. That was a good start, even through Filippo quickly proved not to be too skilled when it came to cleaning.

It started lightly, with Elia throwing some joke about how he’d never drink with Filippo again, to which Filippo answered with being offended because everybody dreams about drinking with him and Elia should be honored that  he got a chance to do so. And then the conversation somehow went on for a while. Nevertheless, Elia could feel that something bothers Filippo. He could see these unsure looks Filippo was giving him thinking Elia didn’t notice. The way he was biting at his lip ring as if he was battling himself over whether he should do something or not.

And then, finally, he put Elia out of his mystery.

“Listen,” he started softly, the way he was talking to him last evening at the Tiber’s riverbank. “About your parents… If you want to talk about it, I–”

“No,” decided Elia, cutting him off instantly. He didn’t like talking about his family matters. There was simply nothing to talk about. He already told Filippo everything anyway, late at night with too much wine and too many emotions, that suddenly decided to speak for themselves.

He couldn’t remember it clearly, but he was pretty sure he told Filippo something around faking everything. About his parents, that after many adulteries on both sides they decided it’s better to simply end their pseudo-marriage when Elia was about eleven. About how they both decided to start new lives, but they couldn’t fit Elia in neither of them, so they were simply pushing him around. How he had no home because both his parents would prefer him to disappear because taking care of him was too troublesome. About how his father had new girlfriends, each of them not much older than Elia, nearly every month. How having an eighteen years old son was not convenient for him, because it looked bad on his fake-bachelor style of life, so he wanted Elia out of his place every time he had a girl over. How his mother used to have a good partner who Elia really liked and who was overall a really good guy, but she left him for some jerk that Elia truly, mutually, disliked. How his mother preferred him to be out of her home as much as possible because his partner didn’t like it when Elia was home. How basically both of them were trying to push the responsibility of being Elia’s parent onto another because they wanted to move on and Elia was too much of an obstacle.

There was no point in talking about it all again. Especially since Elia believed it wasn’t affecting him as much. His father was fairly often out for weekends and holidays, traveling with some new girlfriend, and these days Elia could have his father’s place for himself, which was great. And maybe every time he was at his mother’s it resulted in an argument with either her or her guy, but Elia was getting better in coming there unnoticed, effectively avoiding any interactions, so he was good. And even if he had a day when both of his parents for some reason didn’t want him home for the night, he could crash at Gio’s or spent the whole night at some party or being out with his friends.

Maybe he had times when he hated it, but they appeared rarely enough to just ignore them. That’s why he's seen no sense in talking about that with Filippo. He didn’t want to be a child whining about how his parents didn’t want him. He was too old for that.

“But,” started Filippo regardless, “if you’d ever feel like talking about it, you can call me anytime. We can complain about having shitty parents together.”

“Sure,” stated Elia, smiling a little. “Now come on, let’s hurry up with the cleaning. I’m starving.”

* * *

_Like a spark_

“…and I tell you, bro, there was something. Like a spark, you know? Like… I know something happened there. Between us. I couldn’t sleep when I came back home! Seriously, that was the best moment in my entire life.”

Elia covered his face with his hands, shaking with laughter. He somehow spent most of Saturday with Filippo, because when they were eating breakfast, Filippo got a message from some friend telling him to take care of some university related things, and Elia decided to help him, because why not. The ‘university related things’ turned out to be mostly about going to some places with Filippo and listening to how he murmurs about said places being absolutely against his vision, his ideas, and that he can’t let this project end up like this. It took them a good few hours before Filippo decided that’s enough and they should have some dinner. And as Eleonora was at Eva’s, they went to Filippo’s. It was past eight when Elia was back at his father’s (that was one of these weekends when his father was out having fun with some girl at the other side of Italy so Elia could crash at his place) and he went to sleep nearly instantly. And during (the) Sunday he had to finally pull himself together to finish the most important things for school, so he only briefly looked and responded to his friends’ messages. Among them the stories about Luca’s conquest.

Not that it stopped Luca from telling this story to Elia as soon as they greeted each other on a Monday morning. So there was Elia, standing at the school’s fence, listening to how Luca was confident that he won Silvia’s heart on Friday. Not that he had anything against it. He loved listening to Luca’s stories, the excitement in his voice as he presented his, mostly irrational and absurd, stories concerning his questionable love life or colorful family life.

“Yes, sure, Luchi’. I’m happy for you,” he managed to say finally. Luca frowned.

“You don’t believe me! How can you, I'm telling you the truth, seriously!”

“Sure, sure, I believe you, I do. Of course, you won her heart. But again, how did it go over the weekend?”

“Oh, fuck you! I’m taking it slowly, okay?”

“Ey, and who’s that? Lover Boy and Mister Runaway!”

Elia rolled his eyes but shook Martino’s hand anyway. Martino was on his back since Sunday when Elia finally came back to being alive and joined their conversation. He couldn’t quite believe Elia was with some friend and pointed out him being too secretive for just being with a friend. But eventually, let him off the hook when Luca started talking about Silvia and the conversation focused on how good it was (in Luca’s opinion) and what he should do next.

“Oh, please, you asked me to go out with you just to set me up with Silvia, even though I was clearly not interested at all. And you’re surprised I got out of there when I got an occasion?” Elia looked at Martino questioningly, making him a bit uncomfortable. It looked like Martino started to finally understand  that his doings could potentially not be as fun fun for Elia as they were for him and the rest of ‘Silvia-Elia-matchmaking plan’ participants.

“We didn’t ask you out just to set you up with Silvia,” clarified Niccolò, coming to his boyfriend’s rescue. Elia snorted, shaking his head a little bit.

“Of course. So again, where did the idea of coming to that café on Friday came from?”

“Uh...” Martino looked away as Niccolò smiled, shrugging slightly. Gio decided to come to their rescue.

“Oh, whatever. It’s not a big deal, is it?”

It was for Elia. Maybe not on a Monday morning, but definitely on the Friday night before Filippo fixed everything. On Friday when he definitely expected something more than what he got. But he decided not to come back to that. It was pointless. His birthday was long gone, and in the end, it was not that bad. Filippo managed to save the night, so it was useless to come back to the party thing. Especially since he didn’t want his friends to feel bad over nothing. It was his fault for not saying he wanted a party, he couldn’t blame them for not reading his mind. Or at least that was what he figured out over Saturday, thinking about it once again, only this time calmly.

“Okay, so what were you doing when you escaped from us?” Asked Luca, and the rest of the guys nodded in a silent ‘yeah, exactly.’

Elia hesitated. Somehow he didn’t want to tell them the story about Friday night. About the talk at Tiber’s riverbank, about visiting nearly every 24/7 store in Rome, about the mug cake baking, about the wine, about the heart to heart in his father’s bedroom at 3 am, about the morning breakfast... He felt it was somehow intimate. Something special he didn’t want to share. Something that was supposed to stay between him and Filippo only. Something he wanted to keep for himself. He felt as if telling his friends about that all would make it less special and more… trivial. That it would be everybody’s thing, not just his.

So he didn’t tell them about all of this. He simply shrugged saying that he hung out with a friend. The boys looked a bit suspicious, but they said nothing. Giovanni stared at him a little longer than everyone else, but Elia pretended not to notice it. Luca decided to smooth the uncomfortable atmosphere by coming back to the priorities.

“Okay, so... Silvia. I think I have a chance here, guys. Like, a serious chance. What do you think?”

They all exchanged amused looks. Elia and Gio, unfortunately, didn’t see Luca trying to conquer Silvia’s heart with their own eyes, but Luca told them everything via WhatsApp anyway, and Martino was kind enough to provide them with more objective details, so they both had an idea of how it went and knew precisely how much of a chance Luca had. And unfortunately, it was not much.

“I mean, you definitely have to try, Luchi’. I fully support you taking chances with Silvia,” announced Elia, making Martino roll his eyes.

“Oh, come on. We were not _that_ bad.”

Elia gave him an unimpressed look. Of course they were. They left him with a trauma, he didn’t know whether he would be able to go out with them ever again without thinking about some potential hidden agenda behind these meetings. Not even mentioning that they probably made him feel uncomfortable around Silvia for the next hundred years. And just when he started to tolerate her a little bit.

“Actually, Luchino, you can start working on that very soon,” stated Niccolò, successfully gaining everybody’s attention. “There’s an Easter Party on Wednesday. Like, you know, Incanti’s group kind of party.”

“Incanti can be the biggest fuckboy ever, but his parties are definitely the best,” said Luca.

“I’d say Canegallo is the biggest fuckboy ever,” decided Martino, getting a few approving nods.

“Besides, Incanti is actually not that bad. How he got rid of those guys on that lottery party? That was cool.”

“Yeah, Elia’s right,” decided Gio. “Okay, so, the party. Can we go there just like that, or is there some kind of list or something?”

“No, not really. I think we can just go there like that. And, I bet the girls will be there. So we can get Luchino to work things out with Silvia,” explained Niccolò.

“Genius,” Giovanni reached to Niccolò to pat his shoulder in the gesture of acknowledgment. “We need a plan. Today at mine?”

“Not today,” stated Elia quickly. Filippo mentioned something about being away for Easter, and Elia wanted to see him when he still could. And as Filippo had time only on Monday, Elia happily claimed the time for himself, even if that meant helping Filippo wrapping up some things that needed to be finished before he went away for more than a week. Elia was not sure why he was so desperate to spend time with Filippo, but he decided that as long as he didn’t think about it, there was nothing to worry about. “Tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, but I’m not sure if we can do it at mine tomorrow.”

“Let’s make it mine,” offered Niccolò. “My parents would love to have you guys over again. My mom loves Gio.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” sighed Luca. “Does everybody in this world loves Garau?”

* * *

_I am who I am_

The boys put a lot of effort into that party. They met on Tuesday, they put together the whole plan concerning Luca and Silvia, letting Luca fantasize about what he’ll do to make Silvia realize they are meant to be, and it was supposed to be great. They had high expectations, and they planned it out to be fantastic.

And it was. In the beginning, it was great. Luca was a lovestruck idiot, and Silvia didn’t seem to enjoy it, but the boys did. _A lot_. Unfortunately, Niccolò couldn’t come with them because of some family matters, but he still persuaded Martino to go with his friends. Sofia wasn’t there too, as she went back to Argentina for Easter. And it was a bit like back in September or October. The four of them going to a party and having fun. Drinking together, dancing together, laughing together. Except smoking, because since both Martino and Giovanni cut off weed for their beloved ones, Elia and Luca reduced it too. And since they did, they started to give it all during the parties. Instead of finding some quiet place and smoking for the whole night, they’d dance or simply talk, and Elia had to confess that it was much better.

But, of course, it couldn’t be so good for too long.

Later on, Elia couldn’t even quite recall how it all happened, but suddenly everything went wrong. In one moment he was at the party, having fun with his friends, then suddenly he was outside, trying to deal with the intruders back from Who Breaks, Pays Party, then he was inside again looking for help from Edoardo, Federico, and Chicco, then he was outside and everything was one, big mess. And he was scared. Not for himself, that was the least of his priorities. He was scared for Martino, who was bleeding furiously, he was scared for Giovanni who looked as if he was ready to literally kill someone, he was scared for Luca who was trying to help Martino but had no idea how to do it. He was just scared, but at the same time, he was furious and wanted to do everything just to keep the intruders away from his friends. They already got Martino, and Elia couldn’t even think about them hurting Giovanni or Luca.

And then, there was the police. The intruders disappeared along with most of the party guests, and who stayed were mostly Elia, his friends, the Incanti squad, and some girls. Namely Eva, Silvia, Federica, and Sana. Most of them frightened and lost. Most of the guys still furious and emotion-driven, some of them trying to argue with the police. Through the whole police thing and even after the police left, Elia, Giovanni, and Luca stayed by Martino’s side, asking him how he is and inspecting his injury, although he insisted he’s alright and tried to calm them down. In truth, he looked calmer than any of them.

“How are you?”

They all turned to Edoardo Incanti, who was suddenly by their side along with Chicco Rodi. He was still visibly upset but seemed to do his best to compose himself.

“Martino is still bleeding, we don’t know what to do, I think some doctor should see him,” said Luca, forgetting he’s talking to his possible rival, the man Silvia was all about. Not even mentioning that was the first time for Luca to exchange words with Edoardo Incanti. But at that moment nothing was more important than Martino.

Edoardo nodded, focusing on Martino.

“Come on, I’ll take you to the hospital. I came by car, and I haven't had a drink yet,” he offered, but it sounded more like a command than an offer. Martino rolled his eyes.

“Please, that’s not a big deal. I’m fine.”

“No, it looks serious. And the party is over anyway, let’s go.”

“We’re going with you,” decided Giovanni, looking straight in the Edoardo’s eyes. “We can’t leave him alone.”

Edoardo agreed. He told Chicco to get Federico and take care of things, then led the boys with him to the car. The ride was mostly quiet, Edoardo still upset, but it somehow looked like something more than the fight alone. Martino sitting next to him, on the passenger seat, looking outside the window. Elia, Gio, and Luca squeezed at the backseat, for once not talking about anything. Luca worried, Giovanni mad, Elia lost.

He had no idea how and why it all happened like that. Were they after Edoardo and his friends? Or were they after him and Giovanni? Were they after Martino? And why was it such a problem for them that Martino was gay? Why did they scream some stupid homophobic slur when they saw him? Why did they beat him up harder than anybody else? Why were they looking at him with such disgust?

_What was wrong with liking boys?_

“Look,” Martino spoke suddenly, and everybody looked at him instantly, “you shouldn’t be so uptight about what that guy said to me at the beginning.”

Edoardo furrowed his brows, but the boys knew instantly what he’s talking about, getting even more upset at the mere mention about that situation.

“What are you talking about? How can we not–“

“Because that changes nothing,” Martino cut off Giovanni before he even managed to get to the point. “Someone once told me that getting mad at this kind of people only fuels them. The more their words affect you, the more satisfied they are. Because they see your anger as proof that they’re right.”

“Filippo is just too laid off,” decided Elia, instantly knowing who is Martino referring to. Gio and Luca were too distracted and too focused on Martino alone to even ask about how Elia knows it.

“No. Filippo made me realize that it doesn’t matter what everybody else says. I am who I am, and they won’t change it with a few shitty words. I can’t change what they think, but I can be immune to them trying to take me down.”

Something in Elia didn’t want to agree with Martino, but somehow his words still managed to shut his mouth. Seemingly Gio’s and Luca’s as well because none of them said a word. Edoardo Incanti also stayed quiet, either having nothing to say or deciding it’s not his place to contribute anything to the discussion. So they went to the hospital in silence, all of them deep in their own thoughts.

* * *

_I'm not going to let anyone take me down_

Elia hesitated a lot on a Thursday afternoon, reaching for his phone, taking it and putting it away nearly instantly or not taking it at all. He wasn’t sure if that’s okay to call Filippo when he was away, probably having fun with his friends, just to talk. Elia did, in fact, wanted to talk about something more specific, but still wasn’t sure if it’s okay. He didn’t want to disturb Filippo when he was having a good time. Moreover, Elia knew perfectly that the talk with Filippo would change nothing at all. But that didn’t change the fact that after he got home from the party and managed to get some sleep, the idea of calling Filippo hit him instantly. Especially after what Martino told them in Edoardo Incanti’s car. He wanted to know what exactly Filippo's way of thinking was and how did he manage to get Martino to think so too.

He hesitated a bit more, meanwhile along with Gio and Luca making sure Martino is fine via WhatsApp, especially since Martino was supposed to go somewhere with Niccolò over the Easter break and they had to make sure he’s fine enough for such a journey. Gio even took the responsibility of calling Niccolò and filling him in with the details of their hospital visit and the night itself, then he called Elia telling him about how Niccolò took it, which was apparently not good at all. They talked a bit more about the last night, mostly venting their anger and disappointment about ‘how it’s possible that the world is so progressive, but some people are still so stupid and backward in their views.’ When they finished talking, Elia thought about calling Filippo some more, and then finally decided to try.

Filippo didn’t answer instantly. Elia waited for a few signals and only when he was thinking about ending the call, mad at himself for even trying, he heard Filippo’s voice.

“Hello?”

That made Elia stressed for no reason. He was no longer sure why he was calling and what he wanted to say. He was afraid Filippo will be mad at him for wasting his precious free time for nothing. That he’ll be disappointed with Elia’s way of thinking, because what did Elia even know about homophobes to talk about that? He was never an object of homophobic attacks, he had minimal experience with dealing with them, how could he go and pretend he knew what he was talking about? The fact was that Elia didn’t want to force Filippo to think the other way, he just wanted to know where his way of thinking was coming from, but it still was–

“Elia? Hello, are you still there?”

That made him come back to reality. He cleared his throat, and then finally spoke.

“Yes, yes, hi. I’m… uh, are you busy right now? Because if you are, I can call you later or… or not at all…”

“No, that’s fine, I’m not busy. I have time to talk. What’s up?” Filippo’s voice was so bright and positive, Elia hated disturbing him with some bad news. But he figured that one, he couldn’t possibly pretend nothing happened last night and have a normal talk, and two, he couldn’t randomly start the conversation he wanted to start without providing some background, because it’d be suspicious. He made a long ‘uh’ to give himself some time to think before he finally spoke.

“Did you… talk to Martino today?” He asked, testing the waters a little bit. He hoped that maybe Martino told Filippo about what happened himself, and Elia wouldn’t have to. Unfortunately, he was mistaken.

“No, not really. We talked like… around Tuesday, I believe. And he texted me yesterday that he can’t wait for this beach trip with Nico. I guess they should be on their way right now. Why?” That made Elia hesitate again. He wasn’t sure if he’s in the position to tell Filippo about what happened. He thought Martino should do it himself. What if Martino will be upset with Elia talking about that to Filippo? What if he’ll be mad at Elia for spreading what happened around? What if– “Something happened? Something’s wrong with Martino?”

“It’s… We were at the party yesterday, Easter party. And… there were those guys… They… Okay, no, I’ll try differently. We were at the party a few weeks ago. And some guys there disturbed Marti, they were calling him names, and we throw hands with them, but Edoardo and his friends throw them out.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard about that, Martino and Niccolò told me something about that. And what about those guys? Were they there yesterday too?” Filippo sounded worried and a bit impatient, but his voice was still calm. Elia sighed, not knowing how to continue. But he had to. He knew Filippo wouldn’t let him end this talk just like that, not when Elia already made him worried.

“Yes. They crashed that Easter Party of ours, they… we were trying to throw them out, but they didn’t want to go, and they started to call Martino names too, so we fought with them again, and then they… they hurt him.”

“What?” Filippo’s voice was so sharp it made Elia wince a bit. He bit his lip, the images of the previous night crowding his mind. Those guys shouting, calling Martino nasty names, the fight, going to get any kind of help, this one guy who got to Martino, the blood, Gio going crazy, Elia himself torn between throwing himself into the fight and checking on Martino, Martino screaming at Gio to stop, the blood covering his neck, more people, more fighting, _Martino’s blood_ … “What happened with Martino? Is he okay? Elia!”

“We were at the hospital. They put some stitches on his injury, and they said it’s nothing as serious, but still… Fuck, Filippo, I was so scared. He was bleeding, and we couldn’t stop it, we didn’t know what to do, I was _so scared_ …”

“The most important thing is that Martino is fine. I’ll call him later to check up on him, but I’m glad it’s nothing serious. Shit, he didn’t tell me anything… I would have come back right away, but I believe he’s not even in Rome right now. How is he? How did he take it? Emotionally, I mean.”

“Well, that’s the thing,” started Elia with a small sigh. “Marti is always awfully calm after shit like that comes down. We were all so mad and frustrated, and he’s just like ‘come on, guys, there’s no point in giving a damn about something like that’… Is that something you made him think?”

“No," confessed Filippo, making Elia frown. But before he managed to ask, Filippo went on. "I told him what I think, what I believe in, what I've learned over time. That's up to Martino what he got out of that."

"I don't think that's right," said Elia, standing up, because the emotions started to fill him again and he couldn't just sit calmly. "If you'll ignore them, it'll be like an acquiescence. It'll make them think they can just go on and do it, that there are no consequences. That what they're doing is right. We can't let them think that they can just–"

"And what do you think you'll achieve by arguing and fighting?" Filippo cut him off, his voice firm, but not harsh. "That'll change nothing. That'll show them it affects you, that you're vulnerable and that it's easy to trigger you with who you are."

"And not that you believe in who you are so much that you're ready to fight for it and defend?"

"You don't _believe_ you are gay. You just _are_."

"I know, I just–"

"I know what you meant, but believe me, it's still not like that. You can go and beat homophobes, but it'll change nothing. It'll not change the way they think, it'll not prove anything, it'll not make the world better."

"Okay, so what do you do? Every time when you meet some homophobic piece of shit who looks down on you and goes around spreading homophobic slurs about you? You just look down quietly and go away?"

"No. I look them straight into their eyes and go past them keeping my head straight. Because I'm proud of who I am and I'm not going to let anyone take me down."

That made Elia silent. There was so much power in Filippo's voice that Elia couldn’t possibly talk back. And although he still had a problem with understanding Filippo’s point of view, believing it’s wrong not to react and not fight back, he was impressed by Filippo’s strength. He was impressed by how sure he was about who he was, how confident he was in not letting anyone get to his head, how he believed in every word he said, how the experience emanated from every and each sentence he spoke, how he put proudness of who he was before anything else. Filippo could not say some things out loud, but they were still there, in his voice, behind his words, in the way he spoke. It took Elia aback, it amazed him, it made him understand where all this change in Martino’s approach to his sexuality could (significantly) come from.

“But still,” he spoke finally, “I couldn’t possibly just stand beside you and say nothing if anybody talks wrongly about you. They know nothing about you, they have no right to judge you.”

“Eli...” Filippo said it nearly as a whisper, but it still managed to make Elia’s stomach do some absurd flip in his belly. _Eli_. Elia was mad at himself for how affected he was with Filippo calling him that. The boys called him like that numerous times, and he didn’t bat an eye. A bit panicked, he decided to use his standard modus operandi – not to think about it. Ignore it. Act as if it’s nothing. “As much as I’m happy you think highly about me, I’d hate it if you got into the fight because of me. I couldn’t stand it if something happens to you because of me.”

Filippo’s words were doing something to his insides, and he knew it was bad. Of course, he knew it was probably a standard answer Filippo would give anyone in this kind of situation, but it still sounded as if Filippo cared about him and Elia felt suspiciously good with that. Not ‘oh, that’s cool’ good, but ‘I’m literally melting’ good. And it scared him. It scared him so much he had no idea what to do. He didn’t want to feel that way. Not towards someone who was his friend. Not towards Filippo. Not towards _anyone_. Besides, he knew Filippo closely for less than two weeks. He couldn’t feel like that.

“Elia?” Filippo’s voice broke him out of his thoughts and made him realize he was silent all this time. He prevented himself from cursing. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah, yes, sure,” he answered quickly. “It’s just… I wonder if Marti thinks the same way. About Gio and me when we get into the fights for him.”

“Of course. Nobody likes it if their friends get into trouble because of them. Would you like it if your friends got hurt for you?”

“No,” Elia’s answer was quick and short, but strong and full of confidence. Elia loved his friends more than anything in the world, that was one of the few things he was entirely sure about in his life.

“Exactly.”

The Filippo swiftly changed the subject, and they drifted away from the last night’s fight. Filippo talked about his plans for the Easter break and asked about Elia’s. He was a bit concerned hearing how Elia was supposed to spend the entire Easter alone and even proposed him joining him, and his friends, but Elia declined, telling him how he has a lot of school work to catch up with and a few plans with the boys. They were supposed to meet and spend the _Pasquetta_ together, and besides, he planned to meet with Luca, and Gio, and maybe Peccio… That made Filippo more content. They also laughed a little at Luca’s numerous attempts to conquer Silvia’s heart, and when Elia mentioned Martino and Niccolò’s trip, Filippo decided he should call Martino as soon as possible and make sure he’s fine and whether he needs anything. But Elia could feel there’s something more, that it was supposed to be a deeper conversation Martino could only have with Filippo because after all, nobody could understand him like Filippo in that particular matter.

“And Elia?” Filippo said when Elia was supposed to hang off and let him call Martino instead.

“Hm?”

“Call me sometimes, okay?”

“What?”

“Call me. If you’ll feel alone or something. Or I’ll call you. It’s...“ He hesitated, and Elia could feel his heart pounding in his chest. “It’s nice to hear your voice from time to time.”

 _Fuck you, Filippo Sava_ , Elia thought, when they finished talking, which left Elia frustrated, with pounding heart and his insides making some crazy acrobatics. _Fuck you for messing with my head like that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We had a lot of fight scene interpretations and fic, and here's my take on that. I made Martino calm through all of that as a result of what Federico said during Fandom Vibes. When he said that "marti is strong and got over the fight right away" (https://madeforgardens.tumblr.com/post/184478746982/federico-said-marti-is-strong-and-got-over-the). Hence, we have Martino being the one calm here.  
> Also, I believe Filippo did help Martino sort a lot of things out in terms of his approach to different things. I mean, Martino was so, so lost when he started to figure out what he wanted from his life. And I believe even after he came to terms with his sexuality and started dating Nico seriously, he still had some mess to figure out in his head. And he had long talks with Filippo about different things concerning his sexuality. Or at least, that's the headcanon I strongly believe in.  
> And yes, some of you can say that Edoardo Incanti and Chicco Rodi's appearance was unnecessary in this fic, but I believe there something like "unnecessary Edoardo Incanti and Chicco Rodi's appearance" simply doesn't exist. AKA: I just love them and wanted them here.
> 
> EDIT: I see I've made a mistake claiming Easter party as 'Edoardo group's party,' when it was a party organized by the school body presidents. Please, forgive me that, but I'm not going to go back and edit it, as it's not as important for the plot and the story overall.
> 
> If you want to ask or suggest something, provide some criticism or just talk to me about the story, feel free to message me or send me an ask on Tumblr, @winry7


	3. I moved on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Elia hesitated for a moment. He was not the type of person to burden others with his problems. He was all for listening to what others have to say about their problems, but preferred to avoid telling others about his own. Everybody viewed him as the cheerful, enthusiastic, unbothered guy and he liked that. He truly liked people thinking about him in those terms. He liked people labeling him as a chill guy because he was a chill guy. He wasn’t bothered by small things, he was focusing on here and now rather than future or past, he was living the best of his life, he was not dwelling on things that went or could go wrong.  
> Well, not all the time. He had the moments when he was weak, when he was vulnerable, and life was just too much to handle. But everybody had those moments. And Elia had them rare enough to not focus on them too much. The problem he never before realized was that the more he pushed aside those small, rare moments, the bigger and harder they were coming back to him next time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! My exams are almost over, I turned in all my essays and I'm back with the fic!
> 
> Like always, huge thanks for @isakeliaflorenzi, who not only helped me a lot with correcting all these mistakes (mostly in grammar) to make the whole thing more readable but also provided me with feedback when I was unsure about some parts of the story. Seriously, because of her, I'm even prouder of this story, because I feel it's polished in every possible up way.
> 
> And as always, I'll be happy to hear what you think here in comments or via Tumblr, @winry7

_I moved on_

“Seriously? No way. No fucking way. We’re going to fix it this year. Don’t you even dare making any plans for the third week of May, because you’re totally watching Eurovision with me. All of it. Semifinals, finals… Everything.”

Elia rolled his eyes, but a small smile curved his lips nevertheless.  _ Of course _ , Filippo Sava would be a Eurovision enthusiast. After all, he was an artsy type. He was all about aesthetics, and he hated it if anyone went against his artistic visions. So, of course, he would be into the huge, European event full of strange clothing, weird staging, and special effects. Only instead of ‘weird’ or ‘strange,’ he’d call it ‘being creative.’ Elia didn’t know him too long or too well, but he knew him enough to realize Filippo would be up to anything he could potentially call artistic or creative.

“Uh… No. No way. I’m not going to spend the whole evening looking at how you’re screaming at the TV because your favorites didn’t qualify or won or whatever.”

“Oh, come on. We’ll scream together, it’ll be fun. I’ll get some alcohol.”

“You’d need to bring a whole lot to get me to watch that shitshow.”

“Hey! Have some respect for the most important event of the year!”

“Hey, Elia! Finally! We started to think you’re not going to come!”

Elia looked up, spotting his friends waving at him from the blue blanket patterned in pineapples (Luca’s, he was responsible for bringing the blanket) on which they already settled the food and drinks (unfortunately nonalcoholic, because they were in the public park). He smiled, putting the phone off his ear for a second to wave back, but then instantly putting it back to his ear.

“I have to go. I’m already in the park.”

“Oh... yeah, yes, sure. I’m happy you’re spending  _ Pasquetta _ with your friends. I was a bit afraid when you said you’ll be alone for the whole break...”

“It’s fine, seriously,” Elia assured him quickly. “I’m used to it, and it’s much better than having nowhere to go anyway.”

“Mmm.” Filippo sounded a bit unsure but said nothing more. “Okay, go. Have fun with your friends. And call me sometimes, okay?”

Before ending the call, Elia glanced at the time. One hour and twenty-seven minutes. He was on the phone with Filippo for nearly an hour and a half only because Filippo called him to ask about something. Elia couldn't even recall what exactly it was, most probably something concerning cooking in which Filippo was not particularly talented at, and Elia had to help him with that because he knew a thing or two about cooking. Somehow even after the problem was fixed, they continued talking even when Elia was leaving his father’s place to meet his friend, and through his whole time, he was taking to get to the meeting place.

That was the thing with them talking on the phone. They were calling each other only when there was a real reason to do so, but then they continued talking for whatever reason. There was always something to say, something to discuss, something to comment. Every little thing could possibly lead to a longer conversation. Elia supposed it was he himself could talk for hours if given the right topic, and Filippo could talk for hours in general.

“Who were you talking to?” Asked Giovanni, when Elia was giving a round of handshakes to everyone.

“Jealous?” Elia answered, finally sitting on the reaching for a plastic cup Luca was handling him.

“Just curious. You were smiling awfully lot, that’s not like you.”

Elia decided not to answer to that, sitting on the blanket and reaching for the plastic cup Luca was handling him. Meanwhile, he looked around. “He’s still not there.”

“Who?” Asked Peccio, looking around. “You, Gio, Luca, I, Pesse… Who else was supposed to be here?  

“You’ll see,“ Elia shrugged, and right after that, Luca cursed loudly as he spilled cola all over himself while opening it, which successfully shifted all the attention to him.

After that, the topic was forgotten. Luca spent a considerable amount of time complaining about how his shirt was ruined and wondering if he should maybe go back home to change it, but the boys managed to convince him to stay. Somehow it made Giovanni remember the story about how Sofia once found Eva’s shirt he forgot to give her back when they were still dating. After he got laughed at by everyone, Gio took his revenge by reminding Elia and Luca how obsessed they were with his girlfriend back in November and December, even through Elia tried to argue he was not  _ that _ obsessed, merely interested. He didn’t manage to convince anyone, but he was trying hard. He was in the middle of making a very long argument when Peccio raised his eyebrows, his eyes fixed on something behind Elia. 

“ _ That _ is your mysterious guest, Santini?” He asked, but before Elia managed to turn around, somebody’s hand felt on his head, ruffling his hair. He winced a bit.

“Infamous Galvani,” he sighed as the other boy sat next to him. “I didn’t suppose you’ll really come.”

“Please, nobody is up to anything during Easter. I’m bored as fuck,” he responded, reaching to shake hand with everybody.

The thing with Galvani was that nobody except for Elia knew him too well. They were partying together sometimes, but Galvani was mostly staying with his fifth-year friends, while the boys stayed in their own group. Moreover, Galvani was never up to things he considered boring. And he found most of the boys’ activities, such as playing Fifa or soccer, incredibly boring. He and Elia were friends because they hit it off the very first time they met during some party and Galvani considered Elia interesting enough to share his party info with .

And it was a lot to share. Galvani was this kind of person everybody was turning to when they wanted to know where to throw the best parties. He always knew where to look for and what to do to be let in. Elia figured Galvani knew some of Edoardo’s friends (maybe even Edoardo himself) and he always knew when they were throwing parties. But also knew probably at least three fourth of fifth-years so even if Edoardo’s friends weren’t up to anything. Galvani still knew where he could party.

“I was surprised when you picked up my call,” confessed Galvani when everyone else went back to talking, quiet enough so nobody could hear. “You didn’t since–“

“Yeah,” Elia cut off, feeling a bit uneasy. “Look, that’s an old story. I... misunderstood some things. And that’s it. I was feeling a bit stupid for some time, but I got over it.”

“Look, we can talk about it if you want to. Sort things out. That’s shit we don’t talk anymore.”

Elia shifted uncomfortably, not sure how to react.

Galvani was his first serious ‘boy experience.’ Elia did have some smaller hookups here and there, all at some parties, when he was drunk and didn’t even try thinking about consequences. All with guys he saw for the first and the last time in his life, most of the time he didn’t even know their names. He didn’t treat it as something big or anything. He simply liked kissing guys as well as girls. It was all about who was available and willing at the moment. He didn’t feel like he needed a big coming out like Martino’s. Especially since all those hookups were just one time things. He never meant to have anything serious with any of those guys. Or any guy in general.

But then there was Galvani. Galvani with his one year older boy charm, with his charisma, with his deep voice and messy smile, with two earrings in his left ear and a mole right next to his right eye. They were friends, but Elia couldn’t resist thinking there’s something in Galvani that he couldn’t quite interpret, and understand, that made him smile around him all the time and be up to any party he was going to be at.

And then there was the New Year party. New Year party with Elia being down because Gio and Sofia were together all the time, and he couldn’t help being bitter about how Gio managed to get the girl Elia was crushing on for about three months, and Galvani being down because his girlfriend broke up with him just a few days earlier. And somehow they found themselves outside the club, sharing a joint. Somehow , even though they were not that drunk, they ended up kissing. Somehow , when they’ve met during the party a week later, Galvani held Elia’s hand a bit too long when they greet each other, and soon enough they were sneaking out . Galvani completely sober, Elia after only one beer.

That was against all of Elia’s boys rules. One time things, being high or drunk, no names. They did it a few more times before Galvani decided that it was a fun experiment, but he’s going to go back to the girls because guys are not his thing. Except, they were Elia’s things. And Elia started to think that whether he had with Galvani was a thing too. His first guy thing.

“There’s nothing to talk, I’m over it. I just... I was a bit lost, that’s all. But it’s fine, I moved on.”

“Yeah?” Galvani asked as if he didn’t believe it. Elia made something that was supposed to be a shrug but didn’t look like one.

He decided not to mention what exactly the ‘moved on was.’ How he had problems figuring out who exactly he was and what he wanted. How he couldn’t get himself to hook up with anyone, because it didn’t feel right. Because he was afraid of becoming attached, and he didn’t want to be thrown away. Just like his parents did when he wasn’t good enough as their child anymore. Just like Galvani did when he was not good enough as a partner anymore. He was afraid of building stable relationships, so he decided he didn’t need them. He didn’t need anyone as long as he had parties he could go to and friends who he could hang out with. He didn’t need anything love related in his life. He felt safer without it.

By the corner of his eye, he caught Gio’s analyzing look. As if he was trying to figure out what they could be possibly talking about. Elia figured it was probably normal. He was whispering with Galvani a bit away from everyone else, ignoring the main conversation between the rest of people. He just hoped Giovanni wouldn’t ask questions afterward, because he wasn’t feeling like telling him all the Galvani story. Maybe someday. But not that day.

* * *

_Too much to handle_

Elia nearly sighed at the another ‘beep’ coming from his phone, eyes fixed upon the black-unicorn-with-a-vividly-pink-mane shaped power bank. Late birthday present from Filippo. He got him that stupid thing when they’ve seen each other before he went away with his friends. Elia swore he’ll never use it, especially publically, but Filippo just laughed a little ‘we’ll see’ and insisted on Elia accepting the present. Elia did, but he assured Filippo he did it only because it’d be rude to deny a gift and he was too much of a good guy to do so.

At first, he showed it deep into his backpack, stating he’ll probably never even open it anyway. But somehow it made its way out of the backpack as well as the wrapping and was standing at the nightstand next to Elia’s bed. Right in his vision every time, so every time he was lying on his right side, he could see it. He wasn’t even sure why he did it. It was cheesy and stupid. But still, he couldn’t bring himself to move the little black unicorn anywhere else.

He was planning on hanging up, deciding the whole idea of calling was stupid anyway when suddenly Filippo picked up.

“Hey! Sorry, my friends wouldn’t let go of me.” Somewhere in the background, Elia could hear club noises, and it made him swallow hard. Filippo was out with his friends. In some club. Having fun. Probably hitting on some guy and making plans to take him to bed that night. Elia felt bad for bothering him, so he decided to back off as soon as possible.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were out. I’ll call tomorrow…”

“No! No… It’s good you’re calling. I was wondering what are you up to these days. You didn’t call since the  _ Pasquetta _ , and hardly text me. Something happened?”

“Not really, it’s just… I just didn’t want to bother you. Like right now. You’re with your friends, and I’m–“

“Of course you’re not bothering me! Quite the opposite. You’ve just saved me right now. My friends talked me into going to this typically straight club, and some girl just won’t believe me when I’m saying I’m gay. She thinks it’s just me playing hard to get. And my friends, those fucking assholes, just laugh at me instead of helping me out. Your call was a perfect occasion to get out of this mess.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Elia nodded slightly, even through Filippo couldn’t see it. There was a bit of silence between them, disturbed only by the faint noises of the party somewhere in the background on the Filippo’s side. Elia didn’t even remember why he called anymore. It was not like he had anything to say to Filippo. Nothing important happened, no urgent news to tell him, no problems to fix. And calling for no reason was not typical for them, Elia was calling Filippo only when something actually happened and vice versa. They never called with no reason whatsoever.

There was one more beat of silence, and then Filippo spoke again.

“So? What’s up? How’s your Easter?” He asked, seemingly losing the hope that Elia will speak first. Elia bit his lip, not quite sure how much he should say. He didn’t like whining. It could be easy to do so because Filippo knew his situation and he wouldn’t need to tell him everything. But it didn’t change the fact he didn’t want to.

He knew spilling his guts would change nothing. He could tell Filippo all about how his father was out for the whole Easter, and his mother didn’t want to see him at her place, because every time Elia was out for a longer time was like a vacation for her. He could also tell him how lonely he was because he had no family to spend the Easter with and his friends were either out of Rome or had families to spend the Easter with. He could mention how he was basically not talking with all of his friends because he didn’t want to disturb their Easter time only because his was shitty.

He could tell of this to Filippo. But he knew it'd change nothing, or even worse – it could make Filippo feel bad when he was in the middle of the party. So he decided to fake it just a little bit, for the sake of Filippo’s well being.

“Oh, it’s cool. I can finally sleep all I want, and nobody bothers me. And I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and nobody cares. And I–“

“Okay, and without all this bullshit?” Filippo cut in, and Elia wasn’t sure if his voice was irritated or amused. Maybe it was both. “Don’t even try to deny it. You’re calling me the late in the evening just to say how you love being alone, and you expect me to believe it? I know you just a bit too well to believe it.”

Elia cursed his drunk self. He knew Filippo for about two and half of a week. Filippo couldn’t know him that well. Or rather, he wouldn’t know him as well if Elia didn’t say too much this that one time at the Tiber’s riverbank and later laying in his father’s bedroom. He was sure Filippo would still see him as a chill, unbothered guy if he didn’t whine about how his parents didn’t care about him and how he wanted to be special or something.

But he did. He did, and that made Filippo know him ‘just a bit too well,’ and that’s why he couldn’t escape telling him the truth.

“It sucks to be alone during the Easter when everybody else has somebody to spend the Easter with,” he confessed finally without even trying to go around the subject. “I hate not being around people for days, and I haven’t been since the  _ Pasquetta _ . Because all my friends are out of the city or spending time with family they actually have. And I… I just don’t know what to do with myself.”

There. He let it out. He tried to tell himself it didn’t matter that much anyway. Filippo already knew he was a whiny child, he couldn’t get any lower. So he just waited. Waited for whatever Filippo was going to tell him, no matter if that was something good or not. He couldn’t, in fact, imagine Filippo reacting badly to those words, but he couldn’t be sure.

Then, after a moment of silence, Filippo spoke.

“You know, I think your friends would be happy to see you if you just asked him,” he said, his voice soft but strong, like whenever he was trying to get rid of Elia’s insecurities. “Nobody spends the whole days with their family, it’d be too much to handle.”

“But what I’m even supposed to say? ‘Come hang out with me because I’m all alone for Easter and shit?’”

“Please, Elia, do you even need an excuse to hang out with your friends? Did you ever need one before? When you wanted to play Fifa or something with your friends, you needed to justify it in some way?”

Elia couldn't find any argument to that. Of course, he didn’t. He’d just ask guys to come to play, that’s all. He never needed an excuse to get them to meet him. But somehow he felt as if he needed one now. As if his friends wouldn’t even consider meeting him during the Easter if he didn’t have any valid reason to offer them. They met on the  _ Pasquetta _ , but it was different. First and foremost, the idea didn’t come from him, so there was the whole different story. Secondly, even if it did come from him, there would be a valid reason –  _ Pasquetta _ itself. But then? What if he asked Giovanni or Luca or Peccio to hang out and they’d ask him why? Not like they ever did, but it didn’t matter they couldn’t.

He frowned at his own thoughts.  Since when did he have such insecurities ?

“Besides,” Filippo continued when Elia didn’t give him any answer, “I said you can call me, did I? Or we can video call any time you need some extended human interaction.”

“Oh, please. You make it sounds as if I miss seeing your face,” Elia laughed because of course he didn’t. Why should he?

* * *

  _Anytime_

“You know, Luch ì , when I asked you to hang out, I was thinking about something more” here Elia made a gesture that had no particular purpose “not like this.”

Luca sighed, looking at how his brother was trying to shoot the basketball through the hoop and failing every single time. And not because the hoop was too high, they were at some secondary school playground after all. He was just not good at basketball, which could be quite understandable in the case of eleven years old boy. Through Elia supposed that the main reason Luca’s brother couldn't succeed in basketball was that nobody in Colosio family was rich in heigh, which was a significant obstacle in basketball. Unless a person is really talented.

Luca’s brother, unfortunately, wasn’t.

“Sorry about that. When I told my mom I’m going out she just wouldn’t let me go without him,” Luca sighed again, looking seemingly uncomfortable with the situation he put Elia in. That made Elia quite uncomfortable too because he felt as if he put pressure on Luca with that meeting. He was afraid Luca could hear the desperation in his voice when they were talking through the phone, and he decided to meet Elia no matter what because he was a good friend like that. He could be an absolute dumbass and think a bit slower than everybody else, but he had a huge heart and could do anything for his friends.

“You could’ve told me that you can’t hang out,” Elia shrugged, and Luca instantly answered him with shaking his head.

“No, bro, don’t get me wrong. I can. I’ll tell you more: My mother was happy when I told her I was going out because she wanted to have some time alone with my father once they’re both free of work. It just sucks we need to take care of him too,” he nodded towards his brother who was still trying to succeed in his basketball efforts. “So, what’s up? You’re awfully quiet these days.”

That was surprising. Elia couldn’t help but look at Luca with astonishment. He knew Luca was a fantastic friend and definitely not as stupid as they all were thinking he was (after all, he worked out that thing with Nico’s ex-girlfriend way quicker than Martino himself), but Elia didn’t suppose he’d notice something like that. He’d rather expect Giovanni to ask him a question like that. After all, Gio was the one who was always noticing small things, especially when there was something wrong with his friends.

Elia hesitated for a moment. He was not the type of person to burden others with his problems. He was all for listening to what others have to say about their problems, but preferred to avoid telling others about his own. Everybody viewed him as the cheerful, enthusiastic, unbothered guy and he liked that. He truly liked people thinking about him in those terms. He liked people labeling him as a chill guy because he  _ was _ a chill guy. He wasn’t bothered by small things, he was focusing on here and now rather than future or past, he was living the best of his life, he was not dwelling on things that went or could go wrong.

Well, not all the time. He had the moments when he was weak, when he was vulnerable, and life was just too much to handle. But everybody had those moments. And Elia had them rare enough to not focus on them too much. The problem he never before realized was that the more he pushed aside those small, rare moments, the bigger and harder they were coming back to him next time.

So he decided to take a risk. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust Luca. Quite the opposite. After both Giovanni and Martino found somebody for their own and were happy in their respective relationships, Elia was spending even more time with Luca then before. Of course, Gio and Marti were still his best friends, and he loved them more than anything, but suddenly he felt like the Luca was just the right person to talk about his problems with. Giovanni was the one Elia was always the closest to, and Martino was the one who would probably understand his family problems the best, but Luca seemed like the one Elia wanted to spill his guts to.

So he did.

“You know my parents are divorced, right?” He asked just to test the waters. Luca furrowed his eyebrows but nodded.

“Yeah, of course I do. What about that?” Luca looked him in the eyes, and Elia could see the concern there. He wasn’t used to people being so concerned about him, so he automatically looked away, focusing his eyes on Luca’s brother again.

“Well, we don’t have the best relations. Or more like, we don’t have any. I think they sometimes forget I even exist. And it’s not like it hurts me or something, because it doesn’t. I’m used to it after all these years. It’s just… It’s just that… I don’t really know what to do with myself these days. They left me alone because they have their new, fantastic lives, and everyone I know has a family to spend the Easter with or is out of Rome and I… I just…”

“You just feel lonely,” Luca concluded, and Elia instantly grimaced. He didn’t like the sound of that, but he had to admit there was some truth in that. Or rather, that was just the harsh, brutal truth Luca served him right into his face. But still, it sounded better in Elia’s head than from Luca’s lips.

“Yeah, I don’t know, I guess,” he sighed, not sure himself if he wanted to admit Luca is right or to prove him wrong. “I know it’s stupid and all, you don’t need to tell me.”

“It’s not,” Luca said. He was so serious it looked unnatural on him. But it still managed to make Elia relax a little bit. “Look, you act as if that’s the end of the world that you have problems and insecurities and everything. But it’s not. All people had some. Nobody will laugh at you or say you’re stupid just because you feel sad or insecure. I just wish you said it all much sooner, we could organize something. I could talk to my parents, and you could spend the Easter with us. Or we could at least hang out more often. Or if you asked Marti and Nico, I’m sure they’d let you go with them on this trip with Nico’s friends. Or maybe we could talk Gio into spending a few days in Bracciano, in his aunt’s cabin. There are so many possibilities.”

Elia nodded. It did sound better when Luca was talking about it like that. And surprisingly, it was easier than Elia though it’d be. He never expected talking to his friends like that, and having them comforting him would be so effortless, that the other person could actually make him feel better. Luca didn’t tell him any huge existential truths, but somehow those simple things and the way he was listing all these possibilities made Elia think that maybe it really would be better if he talked to him sooner than he did. 

Then, suddenly, Filippo flashed through his mind, and he realized it it was always like that with Filippo. Every time he let Filippo see this problematic, vulnerable side of himself, he was met with nothing but understanding. Filippo never rolled his eyes on him, never told him he was stupid or childish, never brushed it off as if it was not important enough to talk about it. Filippo was always trying to comfort him or help him out. He never made him think as if this weaker side of himself is any worse than the rest of him.

And then there was Luca, doing exactly the same thing. Looking at how Elia is opening up to him and meeting him with comforting words and helping him out. That made Elia think that maybe, just maybe he lost a bit too much time on closing himself off and not enough on noticing that perhaps even if his parents didn’t care about him, it didn't mean nobody in the world cared about him.

So he smiled, reaching out to Luca and pulling him into a one arm hug.

“Thanks, Luchì. I mean it,” he muttered when Luca reached to hug him back.

“Anytime, Elia. Anytime,” Luca said, and it made Elia hug him a little tighter. “We can’t do much now, but you still can come over anytime you’d like to. My mum wouldn’t matter any guests, she’s always talking about how she doesn’t believe I have friends because she doesn’t know any. So I guess I should start introducing her to some of them. Oh, actually, you can come over for dinner even tomorrow!”

“Oh my God, Luchì, you want to formally introduce me to your parents over a dinner? Now I’m worried,” Elia laughed, making Luca hit his shoulder lightly.

“Fuck you! I’m trying to be nice, you know?” He laughed, shaking his head slightly. He was still smiling, but his face was a bit more serious when he spoke again. “But seriously, come. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Elia just nodded. He wasn’t sure if that’d be a good idea to just come for Luca’s family dinner like that, but it was nice to be invited. It was nice to see how much Luca cared about him and his well - being. It was amazing to open up to people and see how they care about what he has to say. It made him remember just how much he wanted to feel it a few years earlier when his family was falling apart, and he wanted nothing more than his parents to hear him and comfort him. But all he got from them back then, was ignorance and brushing him off, as if what he had to say and what he felt was not important at all. And then, after all these years, he had people such as Filippo and Luca, who listened to him and slowly made him think as maybe, just maybe, what he had to say was somehow important too.

It wasn’t a huge life’s turnover, and he didn’t suddenly decide to trust everyone and be open with his feelings to everyone, but it was definitely a start of something. Start of fixing things which were broken for too long. Start of redefining what the word ‘family’ really meant and finding out he always had it, even when he felt as if he didn’t. 

* * *

_The true symbol of Italianism_

They were supposed to meet on the day Filippo was coming back to Rome. He was coming back around the morning and wanted to see Elia on the early evening. Elia wasn’t sure about that idea, because as much as he wanted to see Filippo after almost two weeks of not seeing him face to face, he believed it would be better for Filippo to just stay home and sleep after a few hours of morning car driving. But once Filippo set his mind on something, there was no way to change his mind. So all Elia could do was agreeing to meet him.

And he had to admit that was probably the thing he was looking forward to the most during that entire week. He was always kind of looking forward to meeting Filippo, but this particular time it was much stronger. He wanted to slap himself for acting like a high school girl, but he couldn’t help it. There was something about Filippo that made Elia think about him nearly all the time, no matter if he was in his bed early in the morning, in school with his friends, or at some late night party. There was always some little things that made him think, even briefly, about Filippo Sava.

He knew perfectly what it was. Somewhere at the back of his head, there was this huge realization he was not ready to have yet. But it was there. Maybe even a step closer when he saw Filippo crossing the Trilussa square to get to him. Elia instantly got up from where he was sitting at the steps to get to him.

“Hi!” Exclaimed Filippo, reaching to pull Elia into a one hand hug. “What’s up? How was dinner at Luca’s? You actually went there or– Whoa!”

Half hugging was nice, but Elia had none of it. He didn’t see Filippo for almost two weeks, and he had all these new feelings and thoughts racing in his head, and suddenly there was this moment of courage which got him to think ‘oh, fuck it’ and answer to Filippo’s one hand hug with a real one. He put his arms around Filippo and gave him a real, proper hug. Or rather, he gave one to himself. Because maybe he did miss Filippo's stupid face after all. Just a tiny bit. Tiny, tiny bit.

It didn’t take Filippo long to return the hug and shortly after Elia could feel both of Filippo’s hand around him, the scent of Filippo’s cologne making him dizzy and Filippo’s hot breath on his neck making him weak in the knees. He had to take a deep breath to stabilize himself before he decided it’s too much and pulled apart from the Filippo.

Suddenly there was this realization. They were hugging in the middle of the Trilussa square with all these people around, some of them looking at them with some level of disgust. Elia supposed that was because it wasn’t quite the way friends were hugging each other. And as much as he didn’t mind what everyone around was thinking, he did mind what Filippo was thinking. That he could possibly make him feel uncomfortable or weirded out. He, in fact, hugged him back, but it didn’t have to mean he wanted to. He could as well do it not to make Elia feel bad or anything because he was a nice guy like that.

But Filippo had none of this. When Elia finally dared to look him in the face, he was met with the warm eyes and amused smile.

“I take it as you missed seeing my face after all,” he laughed, and Elia punched his arm lightly for that. He should expect Filippo to remember this piece of their conversation, after all, Filippo always remembered small things like that. He could miss the more significant fact, but he was always paying attention to little things just to point them out later.

“Oh, fuck off,” Elia answered because he had no idea what else was there to say. He had no excuse, neither felt as if Filippo wanted any.

And he seemingly didn’t, as the topic was dropped after Elia’s words. “Okay, so you want to stay here? Or are you up for coffee?”

“Coffee? At this hour?” Elia asked skeptically, and Filippo offered him one his charming smiles in response.

“Are you suggesting something like ‘wrong time for coffee’ exists in this world? Are you sure you’re Italian?”

“How dare you even suggest I’m not Italian enough? I’m positive I’m the most Italian person you know. I’m the true symbol of Italianism.”

“Of course,” Filippo shook his head lightly, then reached to squeeze Elia’s shoulder. “Come on, the true symbol of Italianism, I’ll get you some coffee. On me, because I’m generous like that.”

Elia laughed and let Filippo pull him along, not even asking where they’re going. He believed Filippo knew where exactly he wanted to get the coffee. Besides, Elia was too distracted by Filippo’s firm grip on his shoulder, on the way Filippo’s hand stayed there a bit longer than it probably should, by the way Filippo was glancing at him every time their arms accidentally bumped together while walking. He was suddenly mesmerized by everything about Filippo. By his pale pink hair, by his warm, brown eyes, by the piercing at the middle of his bottom lip, by the mole on his chin, by this pale sweater that didn’t look like his style, by the bracelets he was wearing on both of his wrists, by this one ring on the middle finger of his left hand and another one on the thumb of his right hand…

Then he looked at Filippo’s face, and there was that smile. That smile which made him look away because suddenly that was too much to handle. And then it hit him harder than ever before. Hard enough to made him realize there was no point for further pretending. He could lie to himself over and over, but it was pointless. He had to face the truth.

And it scared him like nothing else in the world, but the truth was that he was completely, undoubtedly, wholeheartedly head over heels for Filippo Sava.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just post-publication thoughts - I believe Elia is this kind of 'alone in the crowd' type of person. Like, he can have fun alone and has no problem being on his own during the party, but he still likes to be around people. He loves having people around him, no matter if he interacts with them or not. That's why I believe he hates to be alone because he's used to being around people so much. I believe that's the kind of person Elia Santini is.


	4. Sometimes it’s like that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So for different reasons Elia was never too concerned about his sexual orientation. Which was not only the reason why he was handling it so well, but also the reason why he never labeled himself. He just wasn’t thinking about what exactly he is and why. He didn’t see how it could potentially change his life.  
> But then he remembered the words Niccolò told him when he was talking about being pansexual. _It’s not about choosing a label for yourself. It’s about discovering which one chose you when you were born._

_We've been waiting for you to tell us_

The the whole boy quad met on the first day of school after Easter break. Most of their talks resolved around Martino and Niccolo, and their beach trip. Gio sometimes mentioned how boring his Easter break was or mentioned something about Sofia and how she was in Argentina. Luca didn’t bring up his meeting with Elia, as well as the talk they had, and Elia was truly grateful for that. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Giovanni, Martino, and Niccolo with that. After all, they were his friends as much as Luca was, there was no doubt in that. He just couldn’t bring himself to shift the atmosphere like that. Martino was so happy, he definitely enjoyed that trip with Nico, and he didn’t mention that fight from the Easter party at all, not even bothered by the way everyone around was looking at the nasty scar on his neck. Giovanni was finally reunited with Sofia, and that made him unbelievable happy. Elia couldn’t imagine himself jumping right into their happiness, talking about something that he didn’t even consider relevant anymore.

Besides, he already had other things to worry about. After yesterday’s meeting, his head was full of Filippo. He knew it was going to end up badly for him, but he couldn’t help falling more and more for Filippo. He didn’t want it. Not only did he not feel ready for any kind of relationship, all the more he had no idea how to handle a relationship with a man. The last time he was thinking about it was when he was with Galvani, and he didn't even have time to think about it because Glavani had already ended it. Not even mentioning that Elia was pretty sure Filippo didn’t have and would never have any romantic feelings towards him. Still, Filippo was all he could think about. No matter if that were worries, fantasies, or just simple thoughts here or there, Filippo was keeping his mind occupied all the time. Especially with all these texts they were exchanging.

Naturally, it couldn’t go unnoticed. His friends could have their own, little bubbles, but they couldn’t leave Elia’s behavior unnoticed, especially when it was so unnatural for him.

“Okay, spill it,” Gio demanded during the lunch break, cutting off Luca and Niccolo’s discussion about the kinds of bread. “We've been waiting for you to tell us what’s going on for too long.”

“And don’t bullshit us. I’ve never seen you sending so many texts. There’s someone, isn’t there?” Asked Martino, but it sounded more like a statement than a question. Elia bit his lip, not sure what exactly he should tell them.

He knew telling them everything about Filippo wasn’t an option. Not because he was afraid of how they’d react. He knew them too well to think they could react badly at him liking a guy. And maybe he’d tell them everything if it was any other guy. But it was Filippo. Filippo, who was Martino’s close friend. After the matchmaking show, Martino made recently with Silvia, Elia was a bit reluctant to let him know he liked his friend. Especially since even though he liked Filippo, but he believed this liking would take him nowhere, as Filippo wouldn’t consider him as anything more than just a friend. It hurt just a little, but Elia believed that crush was just a phase that’ll pass, nothing worth of losing Filippo as a friend.

So, the last thing he needed was letting Martino know he liked Filippo and Martino getting Niccolo to start yet another matchmaking event that could negatively affect his new friendship.

Hence, there was no way he’d tell his friends about Filippo. But it was like he couldn’t tell them anything.

“There is,” he admitted finally, getting a small round of applause and whistling. He rolled his eyes at these over the top reactions.

“You fucker, and what happened to that ‘I don’t want anything stable’ of yours?”

“Nothing. It’s not going anywhere, guys,” said Elia, and that toned down his friends’ enthusiasm, replacing it with confusion.

“Why not? If you like her, just go and get her. Or are you going to pull out Argentinian scheme again for a few months?” Elia gave Niccolo a middle finger for that but didn’t answer immediately. There was a moment of hesitation, a bit of unsureness, and one, deep breath before he decided to give it his all.

“I don’t think he’d be interested in a relationship with me.”

Then there was a silence. The boys exchanged looks among themselves, then all looked at Elia, who wasn’t so sure about his decision anymore. He was a bit scared it had been one step too far, too many information at once. And maybe even too big of a hint. But in for a penny, in for a pound. He was just waiting for his friends to ask questions.

Truth be told, he didn’t get the ones he expected to get.

“Why not?” Asked Giovanni, as if that was bigger concern than the fact it was a boy at all. Elia shrugged, but he felt a little more relaxed.

“I don’t think he’s a relationship type of guy. And we’re friends, so… You know.”

Giovanni was looking at him with those analytical eyes of his, and for a moment Elia wondered if maybe he knew something. He was usually quick to put one and one together, Elia wouldn’t be surprised if he connected Elia’s brand new friendship with Filippo with Elia’s brand new crush on a boy. Especially since Giovanni knew Elia well enough to see right through him. But he wasn’t going to say anything if not asked. And Gio was usually the type who didn’t press the matter but was rather waiting for somebody to come and talk to him.

“Not that I’m a relationship type of guy,” Elia added with a little shrug. “That’s just a crush, it’ll go as fast as it came.”

The boys didn’t seem convinced by that, but they apparently decided not to push the subject further by now. Luca only made sure Elia knew that he could talk to them anytime he wanted and that they’d be happy to help him with his ‘boy crushes,’ and Elia reassured them he knew about it and he’ll talk to them about it as soon as he figures it out himself.

* * *

_So fucked up_

His phone lit up with a message, which turned out to be Luca on  _ Contrabbandieri _ group.

‘ _ I know we talked about it today and decided you don’t need a label, but I did some research, and I think you might be bisexual after all _ ’

Elia couldn’t help a small smile forming on his lips. Luca was helpless, but it was cute how he was trying to do actual research on sexual orientations after messing them up the whole day. It was still new to him months after Martino’s coming out (and became even more complicated after Niccolo was trying to explain him the phenomenon of pansexuality,) but he was seemingly trying his best to understand it, and Elia appreciated it.

‘ _ Maybe. I don’t know. Never really thought about it. Is it so important? _ ’ He answered finally, and Luca responded almost immediately.

‘ _ No, of course not. _ ’

‘ _ I’ve just read that for some people it’s easier to have a name for who they are. So I thought maybe it’d be easier for you too _ ’

‘ _ I don’t think you need to make anything easier for him. He seems to handle all of it pretty well. Besides, where did you even read stuff like this?  _ 😂 ’ was Martino’s response.

It made Elia thinking. He was, in fact, handling it surprisingly well for as long as he remembered. He never really panicked over his sexuality. The first time he liked a boy he decided it just happens at his age. The first time he kissed a boy, he decided he was just drunk, so it’s not a big deal. He kissed some more boys, and he decided it’s just for fun so who cares. Somehow he never dwelled on it too much as long as he didn’t have any deeper feelings towards boys.

Then there was the thing with Galvani, and maybe it was because of the influence Martino and Niccolo had on him, but he decided that to like a boy wasn’t such a big deal. That was also part of the reason why he didn’t tell the boys. He didn’t think about it as something important enough to talk about. He was never particularly open about his sexual adventures to them, no matter if they concerned boys or girls. He sometimes was telling them he made out with somebody and that was it.

So for different reasons, Elia was never too concerned about his sexual orientation. Which was not only the reason why he was handling it so well but also the reason why he never labeled himself. He just wasn’t thinking about what exactly he is and why. He didn’t see how it could potentially change his life.

But then he remembered the words Niccolo told him when he was talking about being pansexual.  _ It’s not about choosing a label for yourself. It’s about discovering which one chose you _ .

After a few minutes of thinking and mindless reading his friends’ discussion about what kind of forums Luca was doing his research on and why there were stupid, he texted:

‘ _ Actually, maybe this whole bisexuality makes some sense _ ’

He got a line of emojis from Giovanni and Martino, and Luca was creative enough to send him heart emojis coloristically arranged as a bisexual flag. He apparently was so deep in his researches he already knew how some flags looked like. Or he searched how the bisexual flag looks like just to sent it to Elia. One way or another, it was nice of him. He apparently learned a lesson from the time of Martino’s coming out and was trying to be more understanding in Elia’s case. In his own way.

Elia put his phone aside and started to clean after the late dinner he had. He had the luxury to do whatever he wanted as his mother and her partner were out and were supposed to be back in the middle of the night or in the morning. He wasn’t sure when exactly. And he didn’t even care about it as long as he was sure to have the home for himself for the whole day. He asked the boys over, and they basically spent the entire Workers' Day at Elia’s, pretending they’re studying. Well, maybe Martino did study, but the rest of them decided on making some cheat sheets and hoping for luck. That left them with more time for playing Fifa, making plans about what should Luca do to conquer Silvia’s heart, and briefly talking about Elia’s new developed love life.

Deep in thoughts, he almost didn’t notice his phone ringing. He expected to see Luca’s or Gio’s name on the screen, very eventually his mother, so it was a bit of a surprise to see Filippo’s name on a screen. Especially since as long as Elia remembered, Filippo was supposed to have a date that evening (and Elia believed he should get an Oscar for how good he pretended to be happy for him, even though he wasn’t at all.) He was even more surprised when he picked up, and Filippo spoke in a voice that was so not him.

“Eliaaaaaaa! Yes! I thought you won’t pick up! Hey!” Elia had to put his phone away when Filippo screamed into his ear. He furrowed his brows, putting the volume slightly down before he put the phone back to his ear.

“You’re drunk?” He asked, but it was more of a statement than a question. Nevertheless, Filippo ignored him completely.

“Where are you now? Because I really, really need to crash at somebody’s place. I can’t go back home. It’d be so embra… Embera… I’ve told Ele I’ll be out for the whole night, okay? So I have to!”

Elia wasn’t sure what all of these meant, but he dictated him an address of his mother’s place and told him to come there. He knew it could end badly, and his mother would kill him  [ if ](https://de.pons.com/%C3%BCbersetzung/englisch-deutsch/if) [ she ](https://de.pons.com/%C3%BCbersetzung/englisch-deutsch/she) [ knew ](https://de.pons.com/%C3%BCbersetzung/englisch-deutsch/knew) [ that ](https://de.pons.com/%C3%BCbersetzung/englisch-deutsch/that)   he was letting  somebody crash at her place without her knowing about it and allowing it, but he also knew Filippo somehow needed him at that moment and he couldn’t leave him alone. Filippo was a smart drinker, he could drink a lot, but he didn’t get drunk. The drunkest Elia had ever seen him was on the Friday night of his late birthday party. And even then Filippo was definitely not as drunk as Elia was, and not as drunk as he seemed to be on the phone.

After not so long, he heard somebody knocking on the door. The moment he opened them, Filippo threw his hands around him, and Elia could feel a strong smell of alcohol. Filippo had definitely been drinking. And it had to be a pretty good amount of some strong alcohol.

Filippo was slurring something about a bad date and how embarrassed he’d be coming back home early after he told Eleonora he’d be out for the whole night. Elia was listening to him only partially, more focused on taking his shoes off and hiding them among some of his own and hoping for his mother wouldn't notice it when she got back home. Not that she cared about what kind of shoes he had, but still.

It was definitely harder to take Filippo upstairs because he was unwilling to walk on his own, lurching and stumbling, sometimes laughing randomly without reason. Only then Elia truly realized how drunk Filippo was. And it made him a bit afraid because something really had to happen to get him into this state.

“Stay here,” he ordered after he successfully put Filippo onto the bed. “I’ll get you some water.”

“That’s why I never date straight guys,” Filippo muttered, and it stopped Elia in his tracks. Filippo apparently took it as an encouragement, because he continued. “It’s always like that. I’m giving them a chance because I’m stupid and I believe this time it’ll be different, and they… they fuck me once and tell me they have some fucking girlfriends. Why I’m even trying? It’s so fucked up…”

“Filo…” Elia started, but he had no idea what to say. Apparently, he didn’t have to, because Filippo didn’t say anything more. After Elia came back with a glass of water and a speech prepared in his head, Filippo was already asleep.

Elia wasn’t sure what he should do next. He supposed he should undress Filippo because sleeping in a shirt and tight jeans seemed extremely uncomfortable, even if Filippo looked as if he didn’t mind. But it wasn’t so easy. His feelings for Filippo aside, those jeans looked extremely hard to take off. After a long moment of thinking and dwelling, Elia managed to get enough courage to try to take them off, but it took enough effort and emotions for Elia to call it a day.

He had a moment of hesitation about whether he should or not sleep in the same bed as Filippo, but then he remembered that Friday night and decided that if it was fine then, it should be still fine now. Truth be told, the situation then was a bit different, but Elia chose not to dwell on it too much.

* * *

_Sometimes it’s like that_

Elia woke up feeling somebody’s fingers brushing his hair off his face. He furrowed his brows at the unfamiliar feeling, at first sure that he’s still dreaming. But somebody’s warm, quiet laughter brought him back to reality, making him look up, where he was meet with Filippo’s amused, but tired eyes.

“Good morning,” Filippo said, and it was hard for Elia to believe it wasn’t a dream after all. Being woken up by Filippo and hearing his voice as a first thing in the morning was too good to be true. It wasn’t like that time a few weeks ago, when Filippo greeted him in the kitchen, and they were both feeling too uneasy to communicate like normal people. This time they were still in bed, and Elia didn’t spend so much time on thinking about what he should do, what he should say, and what exactly happened during the night. And maybe this time he should feel even more uneasy because he woke up in the bed next to the guy he was crushing on, but somehow he wasn’t. He couldn’t explain nor even understand why it was like that, but instead of any kind of embarrassment, he was feeling at ease. As if waking up next to Filippo, with Filippo’s fingers playing with his hair, was a perfectly normal Thursday morning. 

“The time...” Elia muttered, because normal or not, it was a Thursday morning and it meant he should probably go to school.

“It’s still early,” Filippo assured him in a quiet voice. His fingers never left Elia’s hair, and it took every bit of Elia’s self-control not to sigh. “Your mother and her partner came back some time ago. Twenty minutes ago or so. They went to some room upstairs, their bedroom, I guess, and they didn’t come out since then.”

“And they won’t for some time. They have to sleep off the party they came from,” Elia explained, rubbing his eyes with his hands, hoping it’d help him stay awake instead of falling asleep again. “And I have to go to school.”

“And I have to go back home. And attend some classes... I suppose.”

“Skipping?” Elia asked hopefully. Filippo seemed to really consider it for a moment, but in the end, he just ruffled Elia’s hair, shaking his head.

“No... I feel like I created enough troubles for you yesterday.”

“You didn’t,” Elia assures eagerly. “Really.”

Filippo just gave him a tired smile, his hand leaving Elia’s hair. He was seemingly feeling guilty. And was definitely hungover, which was an awful mix. Not that Elia thought there’s anything Filippo should be guilty about. He just called Elia asking for a place to crash for a night, and Elia was very willing to help him out. Maybe he was risking his mother’s wrath or even worse, her guy’s wrath, but it seemed like a price low enough to pay for helping Filippo out and waking up with him in the morning. Especially since nobody had to know about it. Elia had a great experience with sneaking around his mother’s house unnoticed.

“Okay, how about it,” Filippo spoke after a moment of silence. “You’ll let me use the bathroom, I’ll do my best trying to look presentable enough to go out, and we’ll get some nice breakfast in some café before you go to school.”

“Sounds nice. But will you pay for me?” Before Elia got to finish the question, he could feel a pillow hitting his head.

“For fuck’s sake, Santini, I’ve paid for your coffee just a few days ago!”

“I don’t see how these two matters are connected.”

“Always looking for a way to save some money, aren’t you?” Filippo shook his head with disbelieve. “I’ll think about it.”

Elia couldn’t believe his own luck, but they somehow managed to get ready and leave the house without being noticed. He was slowly starting to believe Filippo was some kind of a lucky charm, because every time Elia encountered him, everything was going just right.

Well, usually.

“He has a girlfriend,” Filippo said suddenly when they were in the café getting a breakfast. Elia looked at Filippo from his cup of coffee, not sure how to react to that. So he decided to wait. After a while, Filippo, without looking at him, continued. “The guy I was meeting yesterday… His name’s Roberto. He’s a friend of a friend of mine, went to this Easter trip with my friends and I. And on the last day of that trip, we slept together. In a ‘we had sex’ kind of way. And I thought it was going to be just a one-time thing, you know, something to recall with laughter after some time. I mean, we’ve spent a lot of time together during that trip, and we got on very well, but I knew he had a girlfriend. They were on a break, but it was a sure thing they’re going to get back together. But then… He called me yesterday and wanted to meet me.  And some stupid part of my brain decided that ‘hey, maybe he didn’t get back with his girlfriend and want s to talk about what happened between us, maybe he’s not straight after all.’ And we’ve met. And he… told me he got back with her, after all. And made it crystal clear he’s not gay or anything. Just wanted to make sure I won’t tell anyone about what happened… and maybe sleep with him from time to time without his girlfriend knowing about it.”

“That’s fucked up,” Elia commented before he could stop himself. “If he’s straight and has a girlfriend, why does he need to cheat on her with a guy?”

“Because sometimes it’s like that, Elia,” Filippo sighed, and finally looked at him. Elia wished he didn’t because this tired, heartbroken look in his eyes was too much to handle. “Some guys like experimenting, to try and see how it is to do it with a man. So they find some gay guy, try it with him once or a couple of times, but in the end, they always come back to having heterosexual relationships. And those poor gay guys are just dirty secrets that are never meant to see the light of day.”

Filippo said it as if it wasn’t the first time it happened to him. And it hit too close to home for Elia too. Galvani’s face flashed before his eyes. His apologetic smile when he was explaining to Elia that what they were doing was cool and all, but he was definitely into girls after all. Burning feeling of disappointment. Disappointment with Galvani, because after those few weeks he had the audacity to come up with something like that. And disappointment with himself, because he was naive enough to believe there was something more between him and Galvani than a couple of making out session.

He was gaining his courage to share this story with Filippo, to show him he actually understood him just a little bit, but then Filippo spoke again.

“Anyway, I was feeling that I should at least explain why I invaded you yesterday being completely drunk,” he said with a little shrug and a fake smile. “So remember to never experiment with gay guys when you’re sure you’re straight, Elia. It may hurt them more than you think.”

Elia has it at the tip of his tongue. The huge confession he was planning on making the previous evening while getting Filippo a glass of water. The story he wanted to tell after hearing Filippo’s. But suddenly he wasn’t able to speak. All this courage he had a day before while talking to his friends, all those bisexual affirmations suddenly couldn’t find their way out of his mouth. He wasn’t able to deny Filippo’s words and tell him he’s definitely not straight.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t sure about his orientation anymore. It just didn’t seem appropriate in that situation. It was supposed to be about Filippo, not Elia. And Elia was supposed to hear Filippo out and make him feel better somehow. To be understanding and focus on how Filippo was feeling.

But it wasn’t the whole truth. Somewhere underneath that wish to be there for Filippo and be as considerate as possible, there was the fear. He was scared that the moment he’ll come out to Filippo, Filippo will figure him and his feelings out. Elia was definitely not ready for that. He couldn’t afford the single thought about Filippo turning him down and ending their friendship like that. The only thing that seemed worse than unrequited feelings for Filippo was losing Filippo.

So in the end, Elia said nothing. He had no idea what to say. But then, Filippo broke the silence.

“Okay, look, what’re you doing tomorrow? After school?”

“Nothing,” answered Elia, not even thinking about it. He couldn’t remember if he had anything planned with his friends, but he knew that even if he did, he could easily squeeze in both of his plans. Or even call off the plans with his friends. Refusing Filippo at that moment was just unthinkable for him.

“Good, because I need you as my assistant again. I’m doing a final paper for one of my class. It’s about street art in Rome, and I need some photos to visualize some of my examples. Are you in?”

“Of course.” Elia had no idea what exactly he was supposed to do, but he knew he’d probably say yes to anything Filippo would ask him at that moment. As far as it put a smile on Filippo’s face, everything was worth it.

* * *

_Big,_ _romantic gesture_

Luca was more stressed than Elia had ever seen him.

“I can’t do it without a plan. I always work with a plan. I can do nothing without a plan,” he complained, fidgeting and pacing all over the place.

“Come on, Luchi. It won’t be worse than it usually is,” Elia decided, but it only made Luca more insecure, making him talk even more.

It was all because of Giovanni and Martino. And partially also Niccolò and Sofia. And kind of because of Silvia.

Silvia invited them to her birthday party the next day, and Luca saw it as a perfect opportunity to made progress in their nonexistent relationship. He announced to his friends that they should meet and create a plan of conquering Silvia’s heart once for good on her birthday. Unfortunately for him, Gio and Marti both had their Friday afternoon and evening booked for their respective dates, which let him with Elia only. But soon enough Luca got to know Elia has plans too, which made him completely lost.

Elia was actually very surprised by how much Luca cared about Silvia and getting together with her. He supposed his friend would give up after the first few cold shoulders he was getting from here, but it wasn’t a case. He believed it’s a matter of time and trying to at least get closer to Silvia. Moreover, he was deeply offended when anyone suggested Silvia is not worth all of this. He was truly into her, and on the one hand, Elia was happy for him, but on the other, he still couldn’t understand why Luca chose her from all the girls he could fell for.

Finally, Elia got a message from Filippo, saying that he’s waiting in the car. He stood up from where he was sitting at the school stairs and took his backpack.

“Let’s go,” he commended, and Luca looked at him dumbfounded.

“Where? I thought you had plans...”

“Yeah, and you’re joining me in these plans,” Elia said as if it was nothing, but it made Luca furrowing his brows as if he connected some facts in his head.

“No way. I’m not going to be the third wheel on your date.”

“It’s not a date,” Elia sighed. “I’m meeting Filippo to help him with something for a university.”

“So you’re not meeting your guy?”

Elia didn’t answer. Because theoretically, he was meeting ‘his guy,’ in Luca’s understanding. After all, Filippo was the one he meant when he was telling them about the person he liked. But practically, Filippo was, by all means, not  _ Elia’s _ . So he decided the best answer would be no answer.

When they got outside of the school area, Elia instantly spotted Filippo, leaning on his car and scrolling through his phone. When he saw Elia, a smile appeared on his lips, quickly replaced by confusion when he noticed Luca next to him. But he still greeted both of them with a quick hug.

“You’re Luca, right?” He asked, shooting a short look in Elia’s direction before he focused on Luca, who gave him a little nod.

“And you’re Filippo,” Luca stated more than asked. To prevent any potential awkwardness, Elia cut in instantly.

“Luca needs some companion and girls advice, so I thought we could take him with us.”

“Of course. The more the merrier, and I’d never turn down additional free help,” said Filippo, opening the door from the driver’s side. “Although I’m not sure how useful I can be in giving girls advices. But I can give you some boys ones if you’re interested.”

By the corner of his eye, Elia could see Luca opening his mouth, and he quickly shook his head to show him not to. Luca frowned, but Elia gave him a look insisting enough to make him stay quiet. He was confused, seemingly not understanding why Filippo shouldn’t know about Elia’s newly found bisexuality, but he didn’t say a word. He knew if Elia didn’t want to tell Filippo about it, he probably had a reason for that.

When they were on their way, Filippo explained to them what they were supposed to do. Basically, Filippo had a list of locations he wanted to photograph, and he wanted Elia and Luca to just go with him to every one of those places. When asked how he saw the notion of their assistance, he simply shrugged saying that he’ll see. Apparently, he didn’t have a clear vision of their help, which made Elia wonder why exactly he asked him for a help a day before. Why did he say he needed an assistant if he didn’t even know what said assistant was supposed to do? He didn’t want to wander through the city alone? Or he needed someone to do some small things like getting him coffee or helping him change lenses?

Whatever it was, Elia wasn’t going to debate it. As long as he could just hang out with Filippo, he didn’t care what they were doing, where or with whom. H e knew as long as he was with Filippo it’d be fun.

Luca decided love advices can be universal regardless gender and sexual orientation, so he described to Filippo the story of his ‘budding romance with Silvia,’ wondering out loud what he should do the next day to make her realize they’re meant to be. Thankfully for him, Filippo knew Silvia, so he could at least try to give him some kind of advice.

“Silvia would be definitely into some big, romantic gesture,” he decided, trying to get a good shot of Il RisucchiAttore. “She’s a romantic, in her own way. You have to do something that’ll impress her.”

“But how?” Luca whined, making Filippo smile with amusement.

“Who knows? What’s your idea of a big, romantic gesture?”

That made Luca wonder. Filippo looked from his camera to him and then shifted his eyes to Elia, right in time to catch him shaking his head slightly.

“He’s so into her,” Elia whispered when he and Filippo were sitting on a ledge, Elia helping Filippo with changing the camera lens. They nearly finished the photoshoot they were doing on Via Decio Mure, and Filippo wanted to use this occasion to take some quick shots on Via dei Pisoni next.

Filippo was sitting a bit too close, and Elia could feel his forehead nearly touching Filippo’s, which was both nice and stressing. He wanted to pull away and sit closer at the same time. In the end, he didn’t change the distance between them at all, telling himself that as long as Filippo doesn’t see a problem with that, he also shouldn’t.

“I think it’s cute,” said Filippo, and Elia could feel him raising his head just a little bit. Through he was not sure if it was to look at Luca or to look at him. Just to be safe, Elia decided not to raise his head at all, to avoid the possibility of being too close face to face with Filippo.

His plans were quickly verified.

“Yeah, whatever. I just hope they’ll get together as soon as possible, he’s way too stressed about it. Every time we’re going on the same party Silvia is going to, we have to go through all this planning and scheming, and sometimes even phone calls in the middle of the night because Luca’s not sure if…”

“Can I take a photo of you?”

That made Elia jerk his head up impulsively, against his previous decision not to do so, ending up face to face with Filippo. Too close, as he could see Filippo’s eyes right in front of his own, their noses just a couple of centimeters apart. It flashed through Elia’s mind that he could easily kiss Filippo like that. He quickly brushed this thought aside as he leaned back a little bit to put more distance between the two of them.

“Why?” He responded finally, getting his mind to work again. Filippo smiled, giving him a little shrug.

“Because why not?”

“I think you should focus on Mr. Thomas,” decided Elia, but Filippo seemed not to listen to him, as he put the camera to his eye, adjusting it. “He’ll be jealous.”

“I think I paid him enough attention,” decided Filippo. Elia turned his head to the side in the exact moment Filippo was trying to take a photo, making the older boy sigh with disappointment. “You’re awfully uncooperative.”

“Well, have you seen that beautiful face of mine? That’s the luxury good, I can’t just distribute it for free,” Elia shrugged, and he could see Filippo smiling, which made him smile himself.

“I believe I already paid for it enough with all these coffees I bought you.”

“You’d have to buy twice as much to make me at least consider your offer.”

“You hold your face in high regard, I see.”

“I just know it’s value.”

Filippo put the camera down. He bit on his lip ring in the way that made Elia hot inside, his eyes tracing the features of Elia’s face. “And you may be right after all,” he concluded.

They spend the next few moments in silence. The silence heavy with tension and a growing desire that made Elia want to ignore everything and everyone and kiss Filippo right here right now. To put the hands underneath Filippo’s shirt and trace the muscles on his back, the structure of his chest. To get on top of Filippo and feel his body underneath his own. It frightened him how messy and hot Filippo could make him with just a look and a small bit on a lip ring.

Their small moment of an intense gazing was interrupted by the sound of Luca clearing his throat. That brought Elia back to Earth, snapping him out of that little bubble he had with Filippo. He quickly put the camera accessories together, taking them with him back to the car. He hated himself for nearly going a step too far, for not knowing better that Filippo was just joking, for almost making a mistake that’d cost him whatever he had with Filippo. Not even mentioning doing all of it in front of Luca.

“And? Any idea for a big, romantic gesture for Silvia?” He heard Filippo asking when he was trying to compose himself pretending he’s doing something at the car.

“I do, actually. And listen, it’ll be great.”

“I’m all ears.”

They went to several other locations, at some point taking a break to eat something and look at the photos they’ve taken so far. Elia got himself together and did his best to act normal, and Filippo and Luca made it easier for him pretending nothing ever happened at the Il RisucchiAttore. When they finished with all the photo shots, it was already late evening. Filippo offered to take them both home, but surprisingly, Luca declined, as he got a message from his mother to buy a few things from a supermarket. When he pressured Elia to go with him, Elia knew that something was up.

But Luca didn’t start the talk right away. They went to the supermarket and bought the things Luca’s mother requested, talking only about some trivial things. Only when they were going back in the direction of Luca’s house, Luca, somewhat awkwardly, got to the point.

“Look… Um… Can I ask you a question?” he asked. Elia gave him a stiff shrug, not sure where this question was supposed to go. Luca didn’t give him much time to think. “This guy you were talking about… The one you like… It’s Filippo, isn’t it?”

Elia swallowed hard, but he still hoped to play it out smoothly. He didn’t know where Luca get this conclusion from, but he needed to do his best to make him think he’s wrong. But he was so shocked by what he heard, that he had problems with forming any clear thoughts in his head.

“N… No, of course not. Why… How could I? I mean… It’s Filippo we’re talking about, come on.”

He tried his best, but Luca didn’t seem convinced. He stood there, looking at Elia with an inscrutable expression on his face. Eventually, after a few second that for Elia lasted like hours, he spoke up, resuming his walk.

“Okay. But if you do, it’s great. Filippo is cool, and I think he likes you too. And if you’d ever want to want to talk about it, I’ll be there to listen.”

Elia could easily end this discussion like that. He could change the subject and leave it. He knew Luca wouldn’t dig any deeper than that, he could be a bit dense, but he knew where to stop when he was told to. And Elia knew he learned a lot from Martino’s coming out, like them all. He knew where to pressure, and when not to. So Elia could finish this talk and never come back to it.

But he didn’t.

“How… do you know? Am I that obvious?”

Luca stopped in his tracks and turned around to give him a little smile. “A little bit. I know you for almost a year, and I’ve seen you so… dreamy only when we were talking about Sofi, back when she wasn’t Gio’s girlfriend.”

“Dreamy? No, no way. I’m not doing that, no fucking way…”

“But you do! You’re looking at him with that lovestruck look and all.”

“I don’t!”

“You do! But that’s okay, since he’s looking at you like that too.”

Elia sighed, shaking his head with disbelief. He didn’t believe in Luca being so observing all of a sudden. He had no idea how Luca figured out his feelings towards Filippo (although all these talks about Elia’s bisexuality probably played a significant role in that,) but he was sure that whatever method Luca applied on Elia, didn’t work for Filippo. After all, Elia knew Filippo a lot better than Luca, he was sure he’d notice Filippo having feelings for him. He didn’t, so there were no feelings.

Luca seemed to notice Elia’s disbelief as he continued.

“Seriously! I tell you, you have to talk to him about it. Or you should talk about it with Martino. He knows Filippo, he could help you out with that.”

“No, Luchi, no. I’d prefer it to stay between us. I don’t want Marti, Nico and Gio to go crazy over it.” Elia still had flashbacks from their previous matchmaking attempts, and he was afraid they’ll stay him to the end of his life.

Luca seemed as if he wanted to argue on that, but in the end, he resigned, giving Elia a little nod.

“Sure. It’s your decision, whatever you’re comfortable with, bro. But I think if you tell them you want to keep it low-key, they won't do anything.”

Some part of Elia did know it, but it was suppressed by fear. He became so attached to Filippo, so used to meeting him, calling him, texting him in an amount that was probably not considered healthy. He couldn’t stand the thought of anything that could possibly end all of this. Even if that meant keeping such a big secret from his best friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trivia time - the last part of this chapter, _Big, romantic gesture_ , was actually the very first scene I planned in this fic, even before I've got the whole idea for WFY. I was just thinking about Luca and how he's always left out in fanfictions, so I started to think about possible fanfic idea when Luca is the one that finds out about Elia's feelings for Filippo first. And from this scene I somehow planned out the whole WFY. Well, to be honest, this particular scene didn't change too much. I adjusted it a little bit to previous chapters and the rest of chapter 4, but the very idea of this scene was left unchanged.
> 
> Also, the next chapter may be, after all, a bit later. And it may be shorter. I'm preparing some stuff for some fandom events, and as they have to be for a specific date, I have to make sure I'll have everything on date.


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